


Almost Home

by thenakednymph



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everybody is fine, Fluff and Angst, Ghost Keith (Voltron), Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I barely remember what this fic is about except Keith going missing, I know that summary is probably misleading, Implied Character Death, I’m tagging this with sharing a bed just to be evil, Lance has nightmares, Lance is an adrenaline junkie, M/M, Missing Keith, Non-binary Pidge (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Sharing a Bed, Sort Of, for the love of gods read the tags and the fucking notes, implied character death?, lance does NOT die, misinterpretations and misunderstandings, this probably needs a violence and language tag but I legit don’t remember
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-11-07 11:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 24,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17959544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenakednymph/pseuds/thenakednymph
Summary: It’s not quite home, but maybe one day it’ll be close enough.~After Keith vanishes on a mission his memory is haunting Lance and Lance is afraid it’s driving him mad.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I only have so many spoons so I’ll try to be brief. I’m not in a mood for happy endings. This has something like half closure at the end but I deliberately drop like, four plot threads. This was started at a point and edited during some rough patches in my life so it only seems fitting it gets posted now. 
> 
> Spoilers, there is no character death so I swear if you don’t read this and then yell about it at the end of the chapter I’m just going to delete the comment. It’s misinterpreted character death. 
> 
> As it stands my brain gave up on this after the last chapter. That’s it, that’s where it ends. I have no idea where else to take it from there and right now I don’t care. It has been a shitty ass month so enjoy the angst. I think there’s like, ten chapters for this. 
> 
> If you DO have questions about what’s going on, especially after that last line fee free to ask what’s going on. It doesn’t get explained in the story until much later and if you want reassurance that this isn’t character death I’m happy to give it to you. I hate reading character death stories. We’ve suffered enough already.

It’s another win for Voltron. It just doesn't feel like it, not to Lance. They've successfully fended off the galra troops attacking a nearby planet and after speaking with both Shiro and Allura and a rousing speech from Coran, the Sallas have been convinced to join the alliance. They’re a peaceful people, small in stature, at least smaller than the paladins, and look something like walking salamanders. 

They’re a friendly race who welcome the paladins with open arms, grateful for all they've done. 

It should have made Lance feel important, pleased, like he’s doing something worthwhile. It just feels hollow. 

The celebration and the noise and the crush of people threaten to collapse the hole in Lance's chest. Every sound is grating, like sandpaper against his nerves, leaving him raw and agitated. He can’t stand it. 

To his credit he doesn't just bolt, but he does weave his way further and further towards the edge of the throng until he’s sure no one will notice his departure. From there it's simple enough to slip into the trees and out of sight. 

The planet is lush and green, a small city built on a series of stone slabs, like giant steps rising between a basin in the trees. Spiraling towers, rough but beautiful glitter in the light, flecks in the stone reminding Lance of the geodes back home on his windowsill. 

As the noise fades behind him Lance removes his helmet, taking a deep breath of fresh air, tinged with something sweeter than pine. He hates the sense of familiarity. The almost of it. Everything out here is almost but not quite and it just makes the ache more poignant. It makes him miss home. 

Heartsick and sore he lets his feet take him deeper through the forest, his footfalls lost to the layers of moss on stone. 

The earth is soft, damp, and warm and after a few minutes he can hear the telltale sound of water in the distance. 

He turns towards it, something like hope lifting his shoulders. 

Stepping out from between the trees Lance sees a bank choked with lush plants, the river slapping merrily against the stones  scattered in and alongside it, warmed by the sun. 

Climbing onto a big stone Lance sets his helmet aside, crouching to pull off his boots and sliding his feet into the water. 

He sighs, letting his toes drag through the mud and silt, reveling in the sensation. He’s hot and sticky after their fight. 

As if sensing his discontent, Red had been harder to control than usual and he'd taken a number of hits he should have been able to evade. The others hadn't said anything but they knew something was off. Lance didn't want to talk about it. He never does.

The river is wide, breaking into a series of rapids a few feet upstream, water crashing over a few shallow shelves of stone like stacked plates, too small to be considered waterfalls. They throw a fine mist into the air that falls sweet as a kiss against his skin and Lance smiles. 

If he closed his eyes he can almost pretend he’s home. Almost. 

Opening his eyes he dropped his head, grip tightening on the edge of the stone. 

“You alright?” a voice asks and Lance sighs, rubbing his tired eyes. Because of course Keith would show up now. 

You'd think he'd be used to it by now. It had been happening for months, Keith appearing when Lance felt weakest. He hates it. 

Lance glances to the side with a scowl where Keith had sat down next to him. “No.” He isn't in the mood for biting quips and cover-ups, dancing around the truth so he settled for blunt instead. 

Keith drapes an arm loosely around his knee, clasping his wrist with the other hand and stares out over the water. “What's wrong?” 

Lance scoffs, kicking up silt with his feet, muddying the water. “What isn't?” he gripes. “Everything is off kilter, like a puzzle someone managed to put together but the image doesn't make sense because all the pieces are in the wrong place. Sure the puzzle is done but looking at it you know it's wrong.” Lance runs a hand down his face. “Nothing fits together right anymore.” 

Keith glances away. “I’m sorry.” 

Lance clenches his teeth and picks up a pebble, fiddling with it. “Yeah, well, it's not like there's anything you can do to fix it,” he mutters. “You're not even here.” He tosses the pebble and it soars through the image of Keith to scatter against the stone behind him before plopping into the water. Keith looks inexplicably sad. 

“You're some grief induced hallucination of my friend that I can't shake off,” Lance goes on. 

His voice cracks and he pulls off his gloves, tossing them aside to avoid staring at him. He dips his hands under the water, searching for more small stones to skip across the water. 

The strange patterns marring Lance's skin snags Keith’s attention and he leans forward, trying to get a better look as Lance pulls his hands free. 

Lance flushes when he sees Keith staring and tries to hide his hands, ashamed that he's seen what Lance considers to be a mark of weakness.

“Are those scars?” Keith asks, his eyebrows drawn. “What the hell Lance?” Keith makes to grab for his hands to pull them back out of the water but stops halfway there, curling his hands into frustrated fists and bringing them back to his side, choosing to glare instead.

“What happened?” He scowls and Lance ducks his head, the back of his neck warm as he hides his hands in his lap.

“Nothing! Look if you're some stupid hallucination shouldn't you know?” he shoots back. “Aren't you like, in my head is whatever?” 

Keith blinks at him dumbly, something strange passing across his face Lance can’t decipher. 

He sits back, still watching where Lance has tucked his hands away like he can't make sense of what he's seen. 

He frowns, glancing up at Lance, studying his face before speaking. “Tell me anyway?” he asks softly. It's the gentlest he's ever sounded and Lance caves.

He swallows and stares down at the patterns that now adorn his skin, permanently burned in place. He slowly pulls his hands out of his lap, rinsing the mud from them. He lifts his hands up, the droplets sliding between his fingers before falling back into the river with a series of patters. He turns and extends his hands to Keith, uncurling his fingers, showing him the fractal scarring. 

Keith tries to cradle to Lance's hands in his own, to examine the branching patterns but can’t and something in Lance's chest pulls sideways. Lance turns his hands over for him, letting Keith take his time examining the scars. 

One finger traces over an arc burned down Lance’s thumb to his wrist, Keith's finger slipping through Lance's skin without so much as a cold spot. 

“What kind of a ghost doesn't leave a cold spot,” he mutters idly. 

“Thought I was a hallucination,” Keith says, not looking up from his examination of Lance's hands. 

“Whatever. It's weird.”

Keith stares, a furrow between his brows. “What happened?” he asks again, tracing the patterns with his eyes now up to where they slide beneath the suit covering Lance's wrists. He catches the smallest corner of another peeking out from under Lance's collar and wonders just how far reaching the branches are.

When Lance catches him staring he tugs self consciously at the material of his collar trying to hide it and clears his throat.

“It was- before.” He rolls his hand loosely in the air, struggling to find the words, to talk about what happened but can't. “We we're helping protect a Galra colony and things went screwy. The solar plates they were using for a shield shorted out, a charge building and racing towards the broken panel Allura and I were working on. She was too close to the discharge site so I knocked her and Blue out of the way.” His heart races in his chest as he relives the memory. 

“I took the hit instead. Red was fine,” he offers with a shrug. “She's made of sterner stuff than me.” Keith doesn't comment on the self-deprecating joke. “The charge travelled through her and into me, stopping my heart.” His head lolls to the side and he tries for a nonchalant smile. “I kind of died.” Keith stares at him, eyes wide with horror. “Allura managed to bring me back but it took a short stint in a healing pod to fix the burns.”

“Where was I?” Keith asks and Lance shrugs, pulling his gloves back into place wishing he'd never taken them off. 

“You'd already left us for the Blades.” A muscle in his jaw twitches, a stormcloud crossing his eyes. “And I didn't do a damn thing to stop you.” If there’s a moment in his life Lance regrets more than that one he can’t think of it. If he'd managed to talk Keith into staying maybe he- 

He visibly winces at the thought and drags his mind away from that downward spiral. 

He smiles wryly, avoiding Keith’s gaze. “Never even told you how I felt and you still manage to break my heart.” He tries to make it sound offhand but there's a crushing weight behind it.

“Because I left?” Keith asks softly and something in Lance's face breaks. 

“Because you  _ died _ .”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no concept of time or update schedule for this.

Lance makes his way back to the group, Keith trailing behind him. He can see Shiro craning his head, beginning to scan the crowd, probably looking for him. Lance raises a hand to catch his attention and something like relief washes over Shiro's face, his shoulders going slack.

“Lance, there you are. We were just starting to get worried.” Lance does his best not to wince. Of course they were worried. After hearing how they'd lost Keith of course him wandering off would make them nervous.

“Yeah, sorry.” He rubs at the back of his neck and grins sheepishly. “Heard running water and couldn't resist.” He gestures with a thumb over his shoulder. “You guys should see the river. It's beautiful!” He can feel Keith’s eyes burning a hole into the side of his head. They always do that when Lance tries to brush off or hide how he’s feeling. Like he’s angry at Lance for faking it, for not telling them the truth about why he'd wandered off. But it’s what Lance has always done, lied and deflected and pretended. It's not like he's going to stop now. Least of all for dead ghost hallucination Keith. Or whatever he is.

Shiro drapes an arm around Lance's shoulders and gives him an affectionate squeeze.

“Water bug,” he teases, his smile fond, but there's a paranoid kind of strain behind his eyes. “We'll all have to go check it out some time.”

“Do I hear a vacation in there somewhere?” Hunk pipes up, falling into step beside them, helmet cradled in his hands. “Please tell me I heard vacation.”

Allura slides in beside them as they weave through the crowd toward the Castle of Lions. “We could all use a break I think.” She lifts a finger in the air with a smile. “Plus, the locals wish to throw a three day celebration in our honor. I'm afraid it would be rude to depart so soon.”

“Great!” Pidge runs up next to them, waving at a group of delighted aliens they were previously talking with. “That'll give me some time to examine their tech, see what we can share. Maybe they know something about the Galra we don't. Or vice versa. It could give us an extra edge against Zarkon.” Their eyes are bright with excitement.

“Then it's settled.” Allura smiles, her eyes bright. “Team Voltron goes on vacation.”

There's a delighted cheer from Pidge and Hunk who are already discussing plans for something or other and even Shiro smiles. Lance tries to ignore the ghost of Keith following silently behind them.

~

When they get back to the ship Lance makes up some excuse about having a headache and needing a nap before hiding in his room. Keith has disappeared somewhere along the way but he never stays gone for very long. Lance doesn't know if it’s a blessing or a curse.

A few hours later there’s a soft knock on the door and Hunk sticks his head in, his expression cautious.

“Hey.” Lance smiles from where he’s lying on his bed, a puzzle box he'd picked up on another planet in his hands.

“Hey,” Hunk says carefully. “Dinner’s ready if you're hungry?” he offers like he isn't sure whether or not Lance will bite.  

“Eh, maybe later. I'm stuck on this puzzlebox and it's driving me nuts.” He sticks his tongue out between his teeth and pulls at another one of the pieces. A small rectangular piece flies out from between his hands, bouncing off the mattress and the puzzle collapses.

“Shit.” Lance scrambles after it, hanging upside down over the edge of the bed and shuffling around for the lost piece.

“Alright,” Hunk says slowly. “If you're sure?”

Lance grins from his position half hanging over the bed, staring sideways up at his friend. His smile almost falls at the sight of Keith leaning against the desk like he's always been there.

“You bet.” He tears his eyes away and redoubles his efforts to make the smile more convincing. “Too much sun I think. I'll probably be hungry after a few hours and come knocking down your door demanding you feed me.”

That pulls a small smile from Hunk and he nods. “Alright. Good luck with your...thing?” He gestures vaguely and Lance waves, his head stuck under the bed again.

As the door slides shut he sits up slowly, as if moving takes a colossal amount of effort, his features wan. The lost piece is cradled gently in his hands. He sits back and sighs.

“Seriously? You can't even solve a puzzle box?” Keith teases. It’s supposed to make Lance smile. It doesn't.

With deft hands he rights the box, turns a few pieces, cradling them carefully between his fingers so they won't slip or the whole box will fall apart again. He slides the red rectangle that had fallen out back into place and assembles the box without looking. Together the pieces make a complex star and when Lance twists the two halves in opposite directions they slide apart, revealing a small hollow inside. Lance has never bothered to put anything inside it.

As quickly as he'd assembled it he takes it apart, leaving the pieces scattered across his bed.

“I'm going to take a shower.” He grabs a towel and leaves Keith leaning against the desk, staring at the puzzle box Lance knows by heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance seeks solace in the pool.

 

Like every other night since the report from the Blade of Marmora came in, Lance can't sleep. So instead he wanders the halls, eventually finding his way to the pool. He's been doing that a lot lately. Hiding in the water. He can't help it. It's the only thing that helps, though he doesn't know why.

Pidge says it's something about negative ions. Lance just knows being in, near, or around it makes him feel less hollowed out. So he goes to the pool, still wearing his pajamas and dims the lights so he doesn't have to see the scars.

Stripping down to his boxers he slides beneath the surface and begins doing laps. He doesn't stop until his lungs burn and his arms ache. When he finally feels ready to collapse he sucks in a deep breath and swims to the bottom of the pool, exhaling until his body stops trying to float to the surface and comes to rest against the floor.

He can see Keith watching him from the edge of the pool above him and closes his eyes, listening to the thrum of his pulse in his ears.

Sometimes the silences are terrible, other times they’re the only thing that helps.

When his chest aches and his vision begins to darken Lance surfaces, pulling in a deep breath, blinking away the dark spots. His heart races and he's light headed but the feeling is welcome and familiar. It reminds him of home like everything else these days, of diving with his siblings in the waters off Varadero. The memory is fleeting and leaves him cold and alone, reminding him how far out and away from home in the depths of space he is.

“Figures you'd come here,” Keith says like the know-it-all he is.

Lance crosses his arms and holds onto the concrete and tile on the edge of the pool, catching his breath. He tries not to show how irritated he is by Keith's presence. He just wanted a moment alone for fuck’s sake. It doesn't help that he can feel Keith's eyes on the fractal scars now that they're on full display. It makes his skin itch and he sinks lower into the water, trying to hide.

“Miss me that much?” Keith teases, referencing the last time they were in the pool together. His feet kick back and forth in the water and Lance watches, the surface undisturbed by his movements.

“Yeah,” Lance breathes, relieved Keith doesn't ask about the scars. He presses his cheek into the warm stone and closes his eyes so he doesn't have to see them. He doesn't want to talk about this right now. Missing Keith is almost as bad as missing his family and home and it would be so much easier if Keith would just go away...but then he'd be gone. Well and truly gone and Lance doesn't know if he could stand that either. So he forces a smile and looks up at Keith.

The confession catches Keith off guard and the smile slides sideways off his face, his cheeks pink. “Oh.”

“We made a pretty good team.” Lance's voice is soft, his eyes dropping back to the water, wishing he'd told Keith that earlier, that he hadn't lied about the bonding moment. He regrets so much.

“We fought,” Keith says flatly. “A lot.”

Lance shrugs one shoulder, his heart aching. “Yeah, but we still made a pretty good team.” He pillows his head against his arms, kicking gently to stay level with the stone. “I wish we'd had more time to work on that,” he says sadly.

Lance rubs his thumbnail against the pad of a finger, his brain still running in circles. “I wish a lot of things,” he breathes, focusing on the way the edge of the pool digs into his arms instead of the shape of Keith beside him.

“Like what?” The question is tentative but curious and Keith is so close but so damn far away and Lance closes his eyes again unable to bear it because he's weak.

It's not like telling him now will change anything. It won't make it better. But it can't make it any worse.

“Like asking you to stay,” he begins. “Like telling you you're one of the most important people in my life.” He hadn't expected that realization to come about when it did and regrets it took Keith dying for him to figure it out.

“Like how you make me a better person.” His eyes burn and his chest feels tight. He stares at the far wall, voice low and soft. “Like how maybe you're the kind of person I could fall in love with.” Lance finally looks up at Keith, staring at him like he's trying to memorize Keith's face, but it just makes the hurt worse. He turns away.

Keith’s eyebrows knit into a frown. “I make you angry,” he says again like he's trying to make sense of what Lance is saying. Neither of them comment on the present tense they've both slipped into.

“You make me feel inadequate,” Lance corrects, voice as quiet as the water lapping against the edges of the pool. “More so than I already do.” He winces, finally catching himself. “Did.” He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the feeling Keith is still somehow alive, like he's really here. Like any of what they're talking about matters. It's a dangerous train of thought to follow.

“You were everything I wanted to be.” He glances up at Keith and there's nothing but honest sadness and regret on his face. Raw want and it hurts to look at. “I wanted nothing more than your attention and you didn't even know I existed.” He manages a small smile and a half hearted shrug. “Kinda hurt.”

Keith swallows thickly, looking nervous and confused. His eyes dart around the room before settling on Lance again. “Why are you telling me this?” he asks and his throat is tight.

Lance shrugs. “Why are you here?” he counters. “If you're a ghost or hallucination maybe finally telling you will make you disappear. Maybe it'll help me get past everything I never got to say. Maybe it'll make the hole in my chest smaller.” He buries his head further into his arms. It feels like hiding but he can't help it. He squeezes his eyes shut, digging his fingers into his arms until it hurts.

“I hate that you're haunting me,” he whispers and his voice is raw.

Lance’s teeth clench against the guilt he can't seem to shake. “I hate it when you're here.” His hands curl into fists and when he speaks his voice cracks. “I hate it when you're gone.”

Keith pulls his legs out of the water, crossing them and puts his elbows on his knees. He looks desperate to change the direction the conversation has taken. Lance can’t say he blames him.

“How did I die?” The question is jarring and abrupt and they both wince.

Lance scoffs, finally raising his head. “You'd think that would have been the first question you asked me when we started having these little visits.” He gestures vaguely about the room. “Don't you remember?”

Keith shakes his head. “No. Guess I really am all in your head.”

Lance purses his lips like he doesn't want to hear it. He pushes away from the wall and floats in the water next to Keith, staring up at the ceiling.

“To be honest I don't know. The Blade didn't tell us much, just that a mission went sideways. A ship exploded. No survivors.” He glances at Keith but his expression is impassive.

“We didn't believe them at first but as more time went by there was no sign of you and we had to accept the truth.” His eyebrows knit together. “That's when they found the luxite knife. I don't know why they brought it to us. Maybe they figured Shiro was the only real family you had left. I don't know. But when they brought it we knew. You were really gone. To everyone but me anyway. That's when you started haunting me.”

“Lance?”

He startles at the new voice, inhaling water and comes up sputtering. Hunk peers inside and looks around. “Who you talking to?”

Lance forces an easy smile. “Just myself.” The lie slides past his lips more easily than he'd expected. “Not like there's anyone else around.”

“Oh.” Hunk nods slowly. “I uh- brought you dinner.” He holds up a plate. “You weren't in your room.”

“So the first place you come looking is the pool?” he teases and Hunk smiles.

“I mean, it was that or the Observation deck. You've been spending a lot of time in both lately. And the training room was dark.”

Lance glides across the pool towards Hunk.

“Thanks. Guess I've worked up a bit of an appetite.”

Hunk kicks off his shoes and sits down, putting his feet in the water just like Keith had, only this time the water distorts around him.

Lance grabs the fork and shoves the green pasta into his mouth. He's still not hungry.

“I'm sorry.” Hunk twiddles his thumbs in his lap.

“About what?” Lance shoves another forkful of pasta into his mouth. It tastes like ash.

“That you think it was your fault,” he says softly, still staring at his lap. “Keith leaving.”

Lance twirls the fork idly, pushing the food around, a cold weight in his stomach.

“Not like he would have listened if I'd tried.”

“I might have,” Keith says.

Lance tries his best to ignore him, focusing on Hunk instead.

“Guess we'll never know.” He forces a smile and doesn't know if the remark is for Keith or Hunk, not that it matters.

He tries to force down another mouthful of pasta but it sits in his stomach like a stone and he can't.

He abandons the food in favor of treading water and swimming in lazy circles instead.

“Pretty sure you shouldn't be swimming that soon after eating,” Hunk says.

Lance grins slyly and it's the first time he's looked like a shadow of himself since Keith's death.

“Pretty sure that's an urban legend.”

Hunk frowns, clearly worried about his friend. “Pretty sure it's not,” he drawls, worry creasing his features as Lance drifts further out.

Lance spasms in the water a moment, panic seizing him as he clutches his leg. “Shit, cramp, cramp cramp cramp!” he cries, his face creasing in pain. Clutching his leg Lance sinks below the surface of the water with a gasp. There's a string of bubbles but he doesn't surface.

“Lance? Lance!” Without hesitating Hunk dives in after him, fully dressed, and drags a laughing Lance back out of the pool.

Hunk practically throws him over the side before rolling out of the water and onto the tile himself looking like a drowned cat.

“You are an absolute ass you know that?” Hunk scolds, shucking wet hair out of his face with a glare.

“I knew you were fucking with me. I knew it.” He looks angry as a wet cat and Lance can't stop laughing, doesn't want to. After months of depression and misery it feels good to really laugh. Tears well in his eyes and he can't tell if they're happy or sad and doesn't care, just that it feels so damn good. He hopes it just looks like water from the pool.

Once the laughter abates he lies on his back, arms outstretched, a smile still on his face, breathing ragged.

“Finally,” Hunk sighs. “Haven't seen you smile like that in forever.”

“Smile like what?” he asks, his head turning to face Hunk.

“For real.”

Lance sobers, guilt making him sit up and hang his head, instantly trying to hide again. He rubs at the back of his neck.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he mutters.

“You can talk to me you know.” Hunk bumps Lance’s knee. “To us. We miss him too.”

Lance nods, not trusting his voice and swallows thickly.

Hunk slicks wet hair back out of his face. “I wish he was here.”

Lance scoffs and glances off to the side where Keith is lingering. “Who says he's not?”

That seems to catch Hunk up short. “You mean like his ghost? Oh my god is space ghost Keith here? I don't think I could handle that.”

Lance stares directly at Keith. “I don't know.” He forces an easy smile and tears his eyes away. “Just feels like he's still here you know?”

Hunk nods slowly. “Yeah, Shiro said the same thing.”

Lance blinks up at his friend in surprise. “He did?”

“Yeah,” Hunk says slowly. “He's taking it really hard. He's lost a brother you know?”

Lance does. “I wish he was still here,” he says echoing Hunk.

Hunk runs a hand back through his hair again, squeezing water free. “I know, we all do. But Lance...he's dead.”

Lance's expression sours. “You think I don't know that? You think I don't feel that every time I pilot Red or walk past his fucking room?” he snaps, suddenly angry. “I feel like his goddamn replacement. And a shitty one at that.” He stands and paces stubbornly across the floor and away from Hunk, any respite he might have found vanishing. “I'm not Keith man, I can't do what he does, what he did,” he corrects himself, pulling idly at his hair. “I'm just gonna fuck it up.”

“Is that what's got you all upset?” Hunk grabs one of Lance's arms as he marches past, pulling him to a stop. “Of course you're not Keith.”

“Ouch,” he snaps, trying to pull his arm free.

“You're you Lance.” Hunk catches his other arm to hold him still. “And no one would change that for the world. I don't want you to be him, none of us do. We just want you back.” There's pain and worry in his eyes and Lance feels that crushing sense of guilt creeping back in on him again.

Hunk ducks his head to catch Lance's eye when he looks away. “We don't want to lose you too.”

Lance laughs bitterly. “You'd all probably be better off.” Gods he really needs to stop talking.

Hunk frowns. “That's a lie and you know it. You're the sticky glue that holds us all together. You're the dumbass always throwing yourself in harm's way to protect everyone else.” His thumbs idly strokes over the fractal scars on Lance's skin and he wonders if Hunk knows he's doing it.

Hunk shakes his head and in spite of his worry there's a fond smile on his face.

“I've never seen anyone love as openly or freely as you do,” he says softly. “It's insane.” He stares at Lance like he's something wonderful and Lance flushes under the attention.

“You're my family too dude. Don't forget that.” He pulls Lance in for a hug he didn't know he needed and Lance feels tears prick at his eyes again. He squeezes Hunk a little too tight and holds on for a little too long, but Hunk doesn't seem to mind, just tucks Lance under his chin and holds him there for as long as he needs.

Lance finally pulls away, wiping at his eyes, a little sheepish.

“Thanks Hunk. Sorry for being such a drama queen.”

Hunk shrugs like it's no big deal. “You're just being you. Nothing wrong with that. Just remember you don't have to do this alone. We're all hurting too.”

Lance nods, chewing on his lip. “Hey Hunk? Thanks.”

Hunk nods. “Just know we're all here okay? And you need to take better care of yourself,” he scolds. “You're a mess.”

Lance flicks water at him but knows he's right.

Hunk heads for the door, picking up the half eaten bowl of pasta on the way, leaving a trail of water in his wake. “And get some sleep. You're starting to wrinkle,” he calls out over his shoulder.

Lance gasps dramatically, presses a hand to his heart, draping the other over his eyes and wails dramatically. “Oh say it isn't so!” He flops backwards into the pool with a loud splash. Hunk’s laughter echoes through the room and lingers for hours after.


	4. Chapter 4

Morning comes too soon and with it the celebration for them being thrown by the Sallas. Lance feels a little better about it than he did the day before, but when they step outside the ship, all of them in their paladin armor, the skies are overcast. Lance decides it fits his mood and feels oddly better. He isn't sure he can do direct sunlight today. The somewhat sullen look to the skies is more comforting. The others seem somewhat disappointed but the Sallas assure them if it does rain they can just move the party inside. 

A few hours pass without incident and eventually they all stop casting suspicious looks at the sky and actually enjoy themselves.

Lance is doing his best to smile and mingle but next to his usual demeanor his behavior is reserved. Pidge comes over, bumping his hip with their own with enough force to knock him off balance. They look as sullen as Lance feels.

“What's eating you?” They cross their arms and scowl as if Lance's mood is a personal offense to them. Or maybe whatever has put him in it. Either way, they look surly.

In spite of himself Lance smiles and it's small but genuine. “Sorry, had trouble sleeping last night.”

Pidge's lips form a small “oh” and a look of understanding crosses their face. 

“Nightmares?” they ask quietly and Lance realizes he's not the only one having them. He barely resists the urge to ruffle their hair, knowing Pidge will hate it.

He shakes his head and tries to smile wider so they won't worry. “Nah, not last night anyway. Just restless and heartsick.” He doesn't mean to say that last part. 

Pidge bumps into his hip again, this time leaning some of their weight against him and not pulling away. Lance realizes he's not the only one in need of comfort. 

Pidge looks gloomily over the crowd, their arms crossed, startling when Lance drops an arm heavily across their shoulders.

“What's eating you?” he asks, parroting their own question back at them. “You got an incubus on your chest?” 

Pidge cranes their head back and looks up at Lance, blinking dumbly. “I beg your pardon?”

“You know, an incubus.” He gestures vaguely like somehow that'll help him get the point across. “Little demon, sits on your chest at night and gives you nightmares?” Lance finds himself flushing as Keith joins them, also looking at Lance strangely. “It's a painting,” he stutters awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away.

“I know what it is,” Pidge says, “I just didn't know  _ you _ did.”

Lance’s lips purse, offended. “My sister's an art major okay, she had a copy of the damn thing on her wall. Used to give me nightmares ironically enough.” He puts a hand on the hip Pidge isn't leaning into, trying to look offended. “I'm not a complete heathen.”

Pidge hums thoughtfully but doesn't reply. Lance doesn't bother rising to the bait.

“But yeah,” they finally say, their voice soft. “Nightmares.” Pidge squeezes their arms tighter against themselves and Lance hugs them closer on reflex. “I was just getting used to having a brother again,” they whisper and Lance can hear the way their voice chokes up. “And now I've lost him too.” Lance glances at Keith and looks pained, like he wants to say something but doesn't know what. 

There's a beat of silence before Pidge pulls away, angry. The movement startles Lance, scrubbing at their face with the back of their hand. 

“Fuck, I'm supposed to be happy today, we're celebrating!” Pidge snaps.

“That's what makes it hard,” Lance says, his arm lowering slowly to his side now that Pidge is no longer there. He misses the weight of them. “It just reminds you of the hole that's there.” His eyes flicker to Keith again before snapping back to Pidge before they can catch it.

Pidge blinks up at him and their eyes are rimmed in red, their cheeks still damp with tears. “When’d you get so fucking wise?” they snap. 

“Language,” Lance scolds more out of reflex than anything and Pidge rolls their eyes. 

“Yes  _ Dad.”  _

Lance ignores the jab. “And I've always been wise. You just never noticed.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Pidge waves a hand dismissively. “Come on oh wise one, we're gonna miss the buffet.” They wander off and Lance follows after them, not hungry but wanting to spend time with his family. He gestures loosely back at Keith, encouraging him to come along too. It wouldn't be the same without him, hallucination or not.

~

As if in direct retaliation for the celebration going on below, the sky opens up a few hours later and rain comes pouring down. Many of the Sallas scatter and make a run for the safety of the nearby buildings, but a few of the younger ones squeal in delight, beginning to splash through the accumulating rain puddles. 

Lance can't stop smiling. He turns his head to the sky, arms outstretched, and feels his heart swell. 

“What are you doing?”

Lance lets his head roll in the direction of Keith's voice, water sliding down his cheeks to collect at his collar, a wide smile on his face that reaches his eyes.

“It's rain,” he says like it's the most amazing thing he's ever experienced.

“Yeah, and?” Keith crosses his arms, glancing up at the sky.

Lance's grin widens. “Do you have any idea when we were last in the rain?” He's almost giddy with it, his heart near to bursting in his chest as lightning flickers overhead, thunder rolling in the distance. He shivers.

“No?”

Lance giggles, his eyes sparkling. “Me neither!” He throws his head back and laughs, spinning until he's dizzy. The world keeps spinning even after he's stopped, his eyes on Keith and maybe it's the sudden feeling of euphoria bubbling up inside him or the way the world is tipping under his feet that makes him say it; as his eyes narrow in on Keith, he grins so hard his cheeks hurt, his heart swelled to bursting.

Energy tingles over his skin and he feels light, happiness frothing up inside him and for a moment nothing hurts. He grins at Keith, the expression wild and unabashedly bright.

“I love you,” he laughs, finally losing his footing as the world slips beneath him and falling flat on his back with a delighted cackle. 

A minute later Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, and Allura are all standing over him, looking down with mixed looks of concern and amusement on their features. 

“Lance? You alright?” Shiro asks and he shoots him a thumbs up with a giggle. There's mud speckling his cheek and rain in his eyes and laughter frothing in his chest and he feels so light he could cry. 

“'m great. How are you?”

Pidge scoffs. “He's fine.” They flick a hand in his direction before walking off. “Come on, we're gonna miss the highlights from the battle.”

“You mean they recorded it?” Hunk asks, glancing in Pidge's direction. 

Pidge grins. “Yup. Remember when Lance ate it during the battle and took a face full of laser beam? Totally got it on camera.”

“Oh I'm not missing a chance to relive that.” Hunk scrambles off after them and Lance looks mock offended. 

“Aw come on you guys it wasn't that bad.”

“Maybe not from your perspective,” Shiro says offering him a hand up. 

“Yeah, speak for yourself,” Pidge calls, already beginning to vanish inside one of the stone towers. “From where I was sitting it was hilarious.”

Lance takes Shiro's proffered arm and hauls himself to his feet, blinking rain water out of his eyes, still grinning. He looks around for Keith but he's vanished so Lance joins the others for the play-by-play of their battle against the Galra. He doesn't see Keith for the rest of the day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor gore warning and lots of feels ahead. This is terribly sloppy but I’ve been sitting on it long enough.

Lance hates nightmares. They always get inside his head and refuse to leave, like mud packed so deep under your nails it hurts. His nightmares about Keith are the worst. Maybe it's because they're true, maybe it's because he's so damn afraid of losing the people he loves, either way, they always start the same. He's in the training room practicing with the drones. He's getting hammered from all sides, his rifle not enough to protect him from attacks at this range. Panic and anger claw at his throat as his knees begin to buckle beneath the onslaught. In the moment before his brain pulls in the one thing he knows he needs: Keith. And then the bayard in his hand changes. He strikes out on instinct and the drones split apart like butter against the broadsword in his hands. 

The bastard feels smug in his hand and Lance feels warm all over, like there's an echo of Keith still trapped inside the weapon, buzzing against his palm.

It's a matter of moments before the drones are all a pile of rubble and bits of static on the ground leaving him breathless and stunned. He looks up and Keith looks as surprised as he does, standing off to the side and staring.

“I didn't know it could do that,” Keith says and awe tinges his voice in a way that makes Lance's heart lift in his chest.

For a moment Keith actually looks proud but then he begins to criticize Lance's form and while it hurts, Lance takes the lesson to heart. 

“Fix your footing or…” He quickly wraps a foot behind Lance and shoves, knocking him off his feet. Lance lands hard on his back, the air rushing from his lungs on impact but he's smiling.

Keith being there doesn't make sense. Lance knows it doesn't. But in the dream he's always there, really there, even though part of him knows he shouldn't be. And none of the others can ever see him. 

In the dream Allura comes to find him to tell him, “There's a message coming in from the Blade of Marmora” and Lance's face lights up.

“Is it Keith?” He can't keep the excitement out of his voice as he runs from the room leaving Allura far behind even though they were just talking. Fiction blends with reality and it's like watching from the sidelines. Lance can feel the anticipation and hope in his stomach as dream Lance runs for the upper deck and he's forced to watch. He's tried to make himself wake up but it never works. Panic and fear try to get him to turn back, but he can't. It's like the dream exists in a state between what really happened and what Lance wishes had happened. He's caught up in the dream like a riptide, victim to it and all he can do is hold his breath and pray he doesn’t drown.

He wishes Keith had been there when he'd tapped the broadsword instead of Allura, so in the dream he is, it’s as simple and messy as that.

As he runs for the control room the dream shifts and changes, like it always does. Instead of the Castle of Lions he's running through a Galra ship and when he slides in through the doors he's already too late. Bodies litter the floor, blood slicking the deck so thick he can taste it. The room is eerily silent except for the hum of the engines and the patter of blood. Keith is lying amid a circle of bodies, his neck twisted at an awkward angle, violet eyes blank and empty, staring accusingly up at Lance. They seem to follow him across the room as he crosses the bridge, body numb. He cradles Keith's body in his arms and cries, some idle part of him noting how beautiful he still is. It's a morbid thought but he can't help it.

Sometimes it's different. Sometimes Lance makes it in time to watch Zarkon suffocate Keith, or a guard slit his throat. On one occasion Lance had found him gored and still half alive. That one was the worst. 

Either way he always ends up cradling Keith's body in his arms as an explosion rocks the ship, a wave of light overtaking them and Lance wakes with a gasp, tears on his cheeks. 

He can't stop the hot panic or the hole expanding inside his chest threatening to swallow him, no matter how hard he tries to stop it, Keith's name trapped behind his teeth. 

Throwing off the blanket he stumbles blindly from the room, one hand on the wall, gasping for breath as he races for Keith's empty room. A room he's spent more time in than he'd like to admit. 

The halls are dim, set to an Earth sleep cycle and he's grateful the halls are empty as he slips inside Keith's room with a sob. It's lodged in the back of his throat like a stone and it hurts.

The room still smells like him and Lance feels a part of him crack just a little further at the aching familiarity and wonders what he'll do when even that has faded.

Sinking to his knees he opens a drawer and pulls out Keith's old jacket, clutching it to his chest like a shield or a balm, as if it'll cover the wound inside him that just won't heal. 

A cracked sob wrings its way out of him and he buries the sound in the jacket, pressing himself into the smallest corner of the bed, every part of him crying out for the lost paladin. It's solid ground amid the whirlwind of emotion he's drowning under. 

“Lance?” 

The sound of Keith's voice is agony and Lance keens, clutching the jacket tighter. He'd spent all day worrying over what he'd said, telling Keith he loved him and wondering if that had scared him away, wanting him to come back; but now that he’s here all he wants is for him to be gone again. 

He doesn't want Keith to see him like this. 

“Gods Lance what happened?” 

Lance blinks up through the tears and sees Keith but instead of soothing the pain of his loss it focuses it, like light through a lense and Lance burns. 

He slides sideways, every part of him wound tight until his face is buried in the pillow and it smells so vividly like Keith that for a moment Lance wants nothing more than to pretend he's there,  _ really _ there. 

He tries to get the words out, to explain what he needs, but he can't. Grief is like a noose around his throat, sliding tighter and tighter until he can't speak, until trying to physically hurts and he wants to scream.

He gropes blindly across the bed for Keith's hand, knowing he won't find it but needing to get the message across. Keith covers his hand with his own, somehow managing to understand anyway and lays down beside Lance. 

“I'm here,” he soothes, “I'm here.” He reaches out and mimes smoothing a hand across Lance’s hair, desperate to comfort.

Lance shakes his head, still choking. 

“Then pretend,” he pleads. “It's okay to pretend,” Keith whispers and it's like the words break through the dam in Lance's throat and Lance can breathe again, a sob tearing loose of him as he pulls in a breath. He blinks up at Keith, terrified if he blinks he'll be gone again.

His fingers knot in the sheet, desperately wishing they were tangled with Keith's instead. He curls them tighter, pretending.

“Please,” he chokes out. “Don't stop.” 

Keith runs a hand over Lance’s hair again. 

“I've never been good at this,” he confesses. “I don't know what to do.” His expression is pained like he wants to help but doesn't know how.

“Just...keep talking,” Lance manages, trying to breathe past the weight on his chest. 

Keith’s head rests on the pillow next to him, both hands cradling Lance's on the bed. He looks like there's something lodged in his throat and when he swallows there's a dry click like he wants to cry. 

“I've never wanted to touch someone so badly,” he whispers and his voice is so sad Lance blinks past the tears to look at him. He's never heard Keith sound like that.

He's lying so close parts of Lance are overlapping him. Keith's hand is covering his own and for a moment he reaches up to try and wipe away Lance’s tears. 

“I'm sorry,” he says and his voice is hoarse. “I don't know how to help you.” 

Lance doesn't know why but the confession helps, eases the weight he feels like he's being crushed beneath. So does the sight of him trying. 

“I know. But you are.” The words come more easily and it feels like the weight on his chest is lifting. 

“You want to tell me what happened?” Keith asks softly. “You kind of scared the shit out of me.” A self-deprecating smile pulls at his mouth. 

In spite of everything Lance feels embarrassed. Keith reaches a hand up to cup his cheek and it's the thought that finally has Lance talking. 

“Nightmare,” he says, half expecting Keith to laugh and treat him like a child, to mock him for it. To his surprise Keith winces. 

“Shit, I'm sorry. Those are the worst.” 

Lance lifts his chin trying to see past the pillow hiding his face. “You too?” he asks and Keith nods. 

“Yeah. A lot actually. Take hours to shake.” He scoots closer and Lance imagines he can feel the heat of him. 

“What was this one about?” Keith asks.

“You.” To his surprise Keith flushes and then he scowls. 

“And I can't even assure you I'm alright.”

“Shh, we're pretending remember?” Lance mimics Keith's movement from earlier and reaches up to brush a lock of hair behind his ear. Keith follows and tucks the hair back himself making Lance smile. 

“Then I'm fine,” Keith assures him. “I'm right here.” 

Lance closes his eyes and takes a shuddering breath. “It's always the same thing, the dream. I mean it changes, but it's always some variation of your last mission, of you dying.”

Keith's face falls and he closes his eyes briefly. “Jesus Lance, I'm so sorry.” 

Lance nods and finds he hurts a lot less than he did. “I know. But you're here right?” There's still a desperate edge to his voice he can't shake.

Keith nods. “Yeah, right here.” His thumb idly strokes through Lance's hand and like Keith did with his hair, Lance mirrors the motion, pretending it's Keith's thumb instead. He frowns briefly and looks up from their tangled hands. 

“How did you know?” he asks. “You've never shown up before, for the others. Why this one?”

“You've had others?”

Lance nods. “Yeah, fairly regularly since the report.” 

Keith ignores that and barrels forward. “I heard you.”

Lance adjusts his head on the pillow with a frown. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I heard you,” he says more firmly. “Like thunder following lightning, rolling across the sky.” He says it like it's obvious. “I don't know where I am when I'm not here, but I heard you screaming for me and it lit up the darkness.” A wry smile pulls at his mouth. “Kind of hard to miss. 

“You needed me, so here I am.”

Lance flushes and he hurries to apologise though he isn't sure why.

“Don't apologise,” Keith says and there's another small smile on his lips. “I'd rather be here than there.”

“What do you see when you're...wherever you are?” 

Keith shrugs, his head on the pillow beside Lance. “Not much. It's dark all around, something like a maroon sky overhead and a black ground scattered with stars. It's big and it's empty.”

“Why can't Shiro see you?” Lance isn't sure where the question comes from but it's been bothering him, like a tickle in the back of his brain he can't shake.

The question startles Keith and he frowns, seriously considering it before he answers.

“I mean if you're a ghost and not a hallucination,” Lance amends. “He should be able to see you right?” 

Keith lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “I don't know. I can see him, but not like I can see you. It's like you're this bright spot, this cutaway in the dark.” He gestures vaguely with a hand. “Everything moves around you.” He shifts on the bed like he's trying to get more comfortable. “Like, I can see the others if they're in the room with you, but once they're gone it's like they've walked off screen. I can't find them again.”

Lance nods but it's clear there's another question burning on his tongue. “Why aren't you falling through the bed right now?” 

Keith laughs and the sound does more to lift Lance's heart than anything else. 

Keith shakes his head, eyes still alight with laughter. “I'm not sure. There are some things I can almost choose to interact with. Not like, I can affect them, but I can move around or over them instead of through them.”

He moves his hand and lets it pass through Lance's pillow in demonstration, then let's it come to rest on top of it. There's no dent, no sign that it's really there, but Keith's hand rests firmly atop it nonetheless.

He shrugs. “I don't know how or why it works. Or why it doesn’t work with you.”

Lance nods like somehow that makes sense before groaning into the pillow. “I don't want to go to the festival thing tomorrow.” 

“Never knew you to be the type to miss a party,” Keith teases and for a moment everything feels so damn normal. 

“Yeah well, that was when I was getting a full night's rest.” He scowls at Keith. “I'm a nightmare otherwise.”

“You're a nightmare either way,” Keith shoots back and Lance gasps in mock offense. The tears on his cheeks have dried making his skin feel tight. 

“Rude. I am a goddamn delight to be around thank you very much.”

Keith props himself up on an elbow and rolls his eyes but the expression is fond. 

“Yeah, yeah, keep dreaming.”

Lance runs his thumb back and forth watching it pass through the back of Keith's hand as silence falls. Keith's eyes track the swirl of scars again and he pulls his hand away to run it down the length of Lance's arm. He can't feel it but Lance shivers anyway. 

“What happened when you told the others?” he asks, still tracing over the scars with a finger.

To his surprise Lance barks a laugh. “You are giving me far too much credit if you think I actually told them I died.”

Keith scowls and his tone is admonishing. “Lance, they deserve to know.”

“Why?” Lance is genuinely confused and part of him is ashamed to tell the others. “What good would it do? You really think I want to do that to them? Pidge doesn't need to lose anyone else and Hunk would be a mess if he knew.” He shakes his head. “No, I'm not doing that to them. It happened, it's over, there's no point in bringing it up now. I'm fine.” 

Something deep and sad crosses Keith's eyes and Lance feels pained. “I wish you wouldn't do that,” he whispers. 

“Do what?”

“Pretend.” His eyes are searching. “I wish I'd realized how often you do it before...maybe things would be different.” He rolls onto his back, covering his face with a hand. “I wish you would talk to people Lance.”

“I never shut up,” he teases. “You know that.”

The look Keith shoots him is withering. “Yeah, and you still manage to never  _ say _ anything.” He shakes his head. “All this time together and you're still a mystery to me. I don't know a damn thing about you. 

“I know more about you now than I did before I died. Why is that?” His eyes search Lance's and he feels so damn vulnerable under that gaze. “Why didn't you ever talk to me?”

Lance's face falls. “I didn't know how,” he whispers. “God you’re-”

“I'm what?” he presses when Lance doesn't finish. 

“We've already talked about this. You were everything I ever wanted and I just didn't think I could have you. It was easier to push you away than it was to draw you close.” His voice turns defensive. “I don't know how to flirt with cute boys okay? I'm an awkward flustered mess and it was just easier to make you angry.” A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. 

“You're so beautiful when you're mad you know that? Dangerous and breathtaking the same way volcanic lightning is. It's addicting.” 

Keith studies him for a moment. “I wish I'd known. You were right. We are a good team. And I wish after the explosion on the castle you hadn't pushed me away. I'm not stupid Lance, you balance me in a way I need and I wanted that. But you ran away from me.” 

Lance presses his forehead to Keith's. “I know. And it's my biggest regret.” His eyes burn. “I wish I could go back and do it all over. I just want to wake up back at the Garrison and actually have a real conversation with you.” He pulls back to look at Keith, a furrow between his brows. “You know what pisses me off?”

“Everything?” Keith teases and Lance wants to smack him. 

“Remember when Shiro came out and had everybody do that flight test?” Lance sits up to look at him and Keith nods  “That you crashed the simulator deliberately. That I never got to see just how far you could push that thing before you walked away. I knew in that moment when you passed level five before splitting off and stealing Shiro’s car, which, very attractive but the way, that I wanted to be a pilot. That I wanted to be like you.” He shrugs a shoulder. “We just couldn't afford it.” 

Keith is staring up at him, something like wonder in his eyes and Lance flushes, lying back down. 

“Sorry, that was…”

“You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now,” Keith rasps.

Lance's heart skips before it breaks, the hope lifting it enough to make the way it shatters at his feet that much more painful. He buries his face in the pillow and tries to swallow back his tears. 

“Please don't say that. Please…” His heart squeezes painfully in his chest and he shakes, trying to keep from falling apart. 

“Our timing really sucks,” Keith says and Lance nods, hiding his tears in the pillow, crashing from his flight of fancy, hard.

“If this is another nightmare I just want to wake up because it sucks.” 

Keith watches from the corner of his eye  but doesn’t say anything as Lance pulls another deep breath, changing the subject.

“God I don't want to go back to my room.”

“You know you can stay in here right? You don't have to go back.” 

Lance stares up at Keith in surprise and he can see how wet Lance's lashes are. “You'd let me do that?” he asks and Keith shrugs.

“Well yeah, it's not like I can kick you out or anything.” 

Lance tries not to flinch at that but the  bands around his chest slowly unwind and he can breathe again. His body seems to go slack and he stretches across the bed, finally uncurling, Keith's jacket still draped across his chest. 

He hums thoughtfully and nods. “You know that is a fair point.”

Keith scowls. “Do not abuse it.” 

Lance laughs and turns back onto his side to face Keith, finally looking relaxed though his eyes are still wet.

“You gonna be here when I wake up?” he asks. 

Keith cups Lance's face with a hand, Lance covering it with his own, pretending. “Yeah, I'll be here. Just try to get some sleep.” A sly smile crosses his face and Lance scowls. “Hunk is right, you're gonna wrinkle.”

“Fuck you Kogane,” he snaps and Keith laughs. The sound pings around like a pinball in Lance's chest and he has to physically restrain himself from chasing the sound across Keith's lips with his own because he knows he can’t.

Lance flushes, pulling the blanket up over himself and pouts as Keith's laughter subsides, something fond on his face. Loosely clutching Keith's jacket to his chest, Lance snuggles closer, their foreheads touching. 

“Go to sleep Lance.”

“Don't tell me what to do,” he mutters, burying his nose in the pillow that still smells like Keith.

He doesn't see Keith lean up to press a kiss to his forehead or feel when Keith squeezes his hand. 

“Goodnight Lance.”

“G’night Keith.” 


	6. Chapter 6

“Why did you join the Garrison?” Keith asks, watching Lance disassemble and reassemble the puzzlebox over and over. He'd rather be cleaning a rifle but he can't get his hands on one so the box is the next best thing. 

They're lying side by side in Lance's bed, Keith sprawled out by his feet.

Lance actually laughs at the question, startling Keith. “Yeah,” he drawls with a lazy smile, “funny story that. I got arrested.”

“You what?” Lance grins. “For what? Jaywalking?” Keith teases. “Indecent exposure?” He leans forward and Lance misses the way the bed should shift under him. “Was it streaking?” he tries again, a light in his eyes, brilliant and full of laughter. “Please tell me it was streaking.” 

“That desperate to see me naked huh?” 

Keith flushes and lays back down, flustered and at a loss for words. 

“Nothing so vulgar,” Lance goes on before the silence can get awkward, “I have more class than that.” Keith snorts. “It was street racing actually.” 

“I beg your pardon?” Keith laughs a moment later because that's preposterous. “You've got to be kidding. You are kidding right?” 

Lance shakes his head, his expression sly and more than a little smug. “Repeat offender I'm afraid.” He grins and it's all teeth, no apology. 

“Wrecked in my last race. After my surgery both the judge and my mom offered me the same option; the Garrison or prison.” He grins. “Truth be told I was more scared of her than him.” He fiddles with the box, opening and closing it. The smile fades. 

“She must have thought it was safer there. Guess she was wrong.” His thumb catches on the corner of the red piece that never wants to stay and he closes the box again, letting it come to rest on his chest. 

“The only reason the judge offered the Garrison to me was because of how high I scored on the flight sim and Shiro's statement.”

“He was there?”

Lance winces. “Yeah, not my finest moment.”

“Huh...he never told me.”

“Technically they sealed my record. He wasn't allowed to talk about it.

“So it was the Garrison or prison. I didn't have much of an option. I never thought the Garrison was something I could do or afford in spite of wanting it. My family didn't have a lot of money.” He turns his head to look at Keith.

“And then I met you. I was never a fan of the military structure of the Garrison, 

but you kept it from being a prison sentence. You made it fun.” His eyes search Keith's, something vulnerable in them before he shrugs.

“Still, learning to fly was the best thing that ever happened to me.

“They're not so different you know? The speed, the adrenaline, the weightlessness when you take a turn just right. It all just came kind of natural. It was like the judge offered me another version of what I was already doing except now I could do it in  _ space _ .” He winks playfully.

“How bad was the wreck?” Keith asks, his voice soft and if Lance didn't know any better, a little scared. 

Lance shrugs and idly turns the box in his hands. “Busted my femur. Took forever to recover from that one. The car was totaled.” He frowns and looks at Keith. “You mean you've never noticed the scars?”

Keith shakes his head and Lance gapes at him. “Dude, they're kind of hard to miss.”

“It's not like you wear shorts that often,” he throws back and Lance rolls his eyes. 

“We were literally trapped in a pool for god knows how many hours. I swear you're so unobservant sometimes it's absurd.” Lance yanks up the leg of his sleep pants and turns so the light catches on the scars part way down his thigh. A series of smaller scars pock the surface in a neat line of threes in two clusters. 

“Took me six god forsaken months to get out of traction.” Lance flops back onto the pillow with a groan. “Never break your femur man, it's a bitch.”

“I can't believe you used to be a street racer.”

“Hey, you don't have a monopoly on stupid and reckless okay?” He studies Keith a moment, his gaze assessing. “You would have loved it. Been a damn good driver too. Shame we’ll never get the chance to face off.” He picks up the puzzle box again and starts to take it apart. 

“Yeah,” Keith says softly. “Wish I'd taken the time sooner.”

“To what? Get your ass handed to you?” Lance grins but the edges are brittle. 

“To ask. To get to know you. I'm not very good at that. Talking. Or connecting with people. Shiro's the only one who ever thought I was worth anything.” 

Lance’s nose wrinkles. “That's absurd, you're worth three of me.” 

“Bullshit.” The venom in his voice startles Lance. “You have got to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” Lance blinks in surprise.

“Talking down on yourself like that. You're a hell of a lot better than you give yourself credit for. You're one of the best marksman I've ever seen and a damn good pilot. Stop shooting yourself down. They need you. I can't be there for them anymore. You have to be.” Keith shakes his head. “Don't make the same mistake I did.”

“And what mistake was that?” He knows what Keith is going to say, but the spiteful, mean part of Lance wants to hear him say it anyway. Wants to punish him somehow.

“Running away,” Keith says and he's so forthright with the answer it doesn't satisfy the need Lance feels to make him regret leaving, to make him hurt. 

“No matter if it's a damn good reason,” Keith goes on, oblivious to Lance's inner turmoil, “running is still running. Don't abandon them.” His eyes are sad and unbearably kind, pleading, and they make Lance ache in a way he doesn't have the energy to deal with right now. 

“I left for good reasons,” he says softly. Lance shoots him a scowl and he ducks his head submissively. “One or two of them were good reasons,” he amends, “but a lot of them weren't.” Lance swallows thickly. He wants to discuss this further, wants to ask what it was they did to drive him away, why he felt the need to leave them, what was more important than they were, but he can't. He's too tired. 

“They're your family Lance. You need them and they need you. More than you realize.” His eyes are unbearably soft and Lance can't stand the sight of them. “Don't run away from them,” Keith pleads and Lance feels the urge to lash out for reasons he can't explain.

“Wow, thanks for the life advice ghost-Keith,” he says and his tone is acerbic. “I'll keep it in mind.” He fiddles with the box, but the pieces go sliding out of his fingers and the whole thing falls apart. 

Lance forces himself to take a slow deep breath, tilting his head back into the pillow and counts to ten, trying to reign in his temper. When he looks up again Keith is gone and part of him is relieved, but another part hurts that he's no longer there. 

He always was good at that, chasing Keith away when things got serious. He covers his face with his hands and curses, arms flopping heavily back onto the mattress. 

“See you later then,” he mutters sadly, the pieces of the box scattered and abandoned at the foot of his bed. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is barely edited cause I do t wanna but it feels like forever since I last updated it.

“Left!”

Lance doesn't have time to process Keith's sudden appearance on board Red or why he's yelling, he just reacts. He pulls hard to the left on instinct and Red does a barrel roll, narrowly dodging laser fire from a source he can't identify.

“The hell was that?” Lance shouts into the intercom in his helmet. He gets a series of scattered replies from the others.

_“I didn't see it-”_

_“Came out of nowhere-”_

_“What the hell-”_

“Watch out!”

Another round of fire catches Red across the side and the force hammers her sideways.

“It's a Galra stealth fighter,” Keith informs him, eyes narrowed and scanning the displays.

“A what!?” Lance turns around to look at him.

“The Blade suspected they had something like this but the reports were unconfirmed.”

“And you and your buddies didn't think it important enough to tell us?” Lance snaps, scowling at Keith.

 _“Lance who are you talking to?”_ Shiro cuts in but Lance ignores him.

Keith's eyes narrow and he jabs a finger at the screen. “There!” Lance can't see anything and judging by the wave of distress from Red she doesn't either. He fires anyway.

A wave of purple and blue light ripples in space where before there was nothing and a ship appears. Red seethes against Lance’s mind and before Keith has time to tell him to fire again he's already doing it. The stealth craft is fast, but their defenses are weak and in moments the ship is destroyed. Without it to harry the rest of Voltron the fight ends quickly, the silence of space pressing in about them.

 _“How did-”_ Pidge begins and Lance imagines them running their fingers over keys, scanning and re-scanning the area for any sign of more of the ships, any evidence that this one had been there before. _“Lance how did you know it was there? Nothing was showing up on my scans. I don’t-”_ They sound distressed in a way Lance has never heard before and his stomach knots.

“Lucky guess,” Lance offers but it's a half-hearted excuse and they all know it.

Before they can pelt him with any more questions Lance switches off his comm so they can't hear him. He turns to Keith and asks him the question they're all burning to know.

“How did _you_ know it was there?”

Keith looks as surprised as the others feel. He stumbles for a moment to find the words. “I don't know. I could just feel it.”

“What do you mean you could feel it? Dude, not even Red could feel it.”

“Look, I can't explain it okay, I just knew it was there.”

Lance glares but can't explain it anymore than Keith can. “Shit,” he mutters. “They're never gonna-” He switches his comm back on, cutting off Keith.

 _“Lance? You there?”_ Hunk asks. _“Is this thing on?”_ He hears a hollow thump as Hunk taps at his helmet.

“Yeah, sorry, I think that blast earlier screwed with my comms. Red must have known the thing was there.”

 _“Okay but what was it?”_ Pidge asks. _“The Galra aren't supposed to have this kind of tech. Where did they get it?”_

Lance shrugs even though no one can see it.

 _“Perhaps we will find answers inside?”_ Allura suggest.

Shiro hesitates before agreeing. _“Alright, just be careful everyone.”_ There's a brief pause before Shiro's voice flickers back over the intercom in Lance's ear.

 _“Lance? Private channel,”_ he says softly. _“Was it Keith?”_ he asks and Lance freezes, his hands going cold around Red’s controls.

“I-”

 _“Please tell me I'm not going crazy, that you can feel him too. I swear he's here.”_ For the first time Shiro sounds harried and exhausted.

Lance can feel his heartbeat in his temples. “Yeah,” he breathes. “I think some part of him is still in here. I think he sensed the ship. I know it doesn't make sense…” He trails off but it's the closest to the truth he's willing to get.

When Shiro speaks it sounds like there's a soft smile in his voice. “ _Alright. Thanks. Good to know I'm not going crazy. And I'm glad you're alright.”_

“Yeah, me too.”

He pilots Red down to the Galra base, his heart racing. Keith doesn't comment.

The inside of the base is heavily damaged and looks like it's been abandoned for ages. “Why were they defending a hunk of junk like this?” Pidge asks, kicking at a scattered piece of rubble. “I don’t get it.”

 _“Me neither, but keep your guard up. There has to be some reason.”_ Shiro's voice crackles over the comm as they continue to wander the base. In the end they don't find much. Some abandoned labs, empty pods that look like they're related to the healing pods on board the castle that have been heavily modified, and some strange headbands.

Like the pods, all of the bands appear to be damaged but Pidge scoops up a handful to take back with them. Maybe they can repair them and figure out what the Galra were doing.

Lance wanders away from them, bayard still out and gripped firmly in his hand. He doesn't know what's making him so anxious, the base is deserted, but he can't shake the feeling of paranoia.

“I feel like I've been here before.” Keith looks around at the environment, a furrow between his brows.

“What?” Lance shooks him a glance. “How?”

Keith shakes his head, still looking around. He looks dazed. “I don't know. It just, it seems familiar. Like extended déjà vu or something.”

“Well neither of us have been here before so I don't know how that's possible,” he mutters, trying to keep his voice low so the others don't hear him. He shoots Keith another look. “You have been really weird since this mission started though.”

Keith shrugs and the movement seems almost helpless. “I can't explain it. I just feel like I've been here.”

In the end Lance brushes off Keith's sense of familiarity and in spite of searching the entire base they find nothing about the stealth ship they'd encountered. It leaves Lance feeling rankled. He doesn't like loose ends and unanswered questions, but it seems that's all they have.

Pidge takes their pilfered goodies, seeming far more excited about it than the rest of them, and they return to the castle. Technically it's a win, but they all feel somewhat hollow over it.

~

It takes slightly longer for Pidge to make the bands, whatever they are, work. They were all heavily damaged and in need of mass repair to make even one fully functional. Pidge ends up cannibalizing parts not only from the other damaged ones but from the training headbands onboard the castle as well.

In the end Pidge lets the finished band dangle enticingly from a finger, a sly smile on their face. The other paladins look at it uncomfortably.

“So,” they begin, “who wants to guinea pig?”

Allura frowns. “I do not understand. What is guinea pig?”

“Who wants to be the one to test it,” Shiro explains. “It's another human figure of speech.”

“Ah, I see.” She still seems confused but accepts the explanation.

When it's clear no one is going to volunteer, Lance rolls his eyes and makes a grab for it.

“Oh come on, it can’t be that different from the normal headbands. And we're never going to know until we try.” He hops into the bed Pidge has set up in the medical wing, a series of machines crowding the bed and wires spilling from the Galra headband.

Lance plops it onto his head before frowning at Pidge. “Wait, why don't you just do it? You should be all over this.”

Pidge has already turned back to a cluster of screens, lights and numbers reflecting off the lenses of their glasses.

“Someone has to monitor your vitals and take readings and I'm pretty sure no one else understands how these things work better than I do right now. You wanna trade?” They shoot Lance a withering look and he frowns, glancing down at the overwhelming amount of data on the screen and shakes his head.

“Yeah no, I'm good.” He crosses his ankles and tucks his hands behind his head. “Let's get this show on the road.” He grins and Pidge shrugs. They reach out and flip a switch and it's like Lance drops immediately into a coma. His body goes limp on the bed and Shiro panics.

“Lance? Lance!” He reaches out and shakes Lance's arm but there's no response. “Pidge what just happened, wake him up.”

Pidge waves him off, still staring at the screen. “Relax Shiro, that's supposed to happen. He isn't going to respond to outside stimuli.”

Shiro glances between Pidge and Lance lying prone on the bed.

“Are you sure?”

Pidge shrugs. “As sure as I can be considering-” Shiro's expression is withering. “Yup I'm sure.” Pidge turns back to the controls, fingers flying over the keys.

“How long is he gonna be like that?” Hunk asks, poking Lance in the cheek.

Pidge shrugs. “I was gonna give him five doboshes. Brainwaves seem stable. Unless something goes terribly wrong I don't see a reason to pull him out of it.”

“Five doboshes,” Shiro says firmly. “No longer. Not until we have a better idea of what this thing does.”

~

When Pidge flicks the button it's like someone flips off a light switch. Everything goes dark and Lance finds himself standing in a void, for lack of a better term. It's not unlike the Astral plane but it's not the same. Everything feels more solid and tangible than the fleeting ephemeral energy of the astral plane.

The sky overhead looks like a storm is brewing, the sky a deep maroon, the clouds, if that's even what they are, meandering and shifting slowly like curls of smoke. It almost looks like the underside of a wave, Lance thinks. It reminds him oddly of Varadero beach, the waves ripping him from his board and dragging him under.

He looks down and it's like staring through one of the castle's windows. He's standing on a swath of blackness, stars scattered through it like pinpricks. It's strangely beautiful.

“Can't say I see what all the fuss is about,” he mutters. “There's nothing here Pidge.” He frowns when there's no response. “Pidge?”

“Lance?”

Lance looks up, surprised to see Keith standing across from him. “Hey buddy, you here too?”

Keith looks around, dumbfounded. “What are you doing here?”

Lance shrugs. “Pidge found a cool headband thing on that abandoned Galra base. The one where you saved my ass? They're sort of like what we use to get in each other's head space but modified. We still aren't sure what they do.”

Keith still seems startled, gaping at Lance.

“You alright over there?” Lance's brows form his trademark sly expression. “Cat got your tongue?” he teases and bursts into laughter at his own joke. He reaches out to cuff Keith's shoulder, the blow glancing off and knocking Keith off-balance. It leaves them both reeling.

Both of them freeze, Lance's arm still hanging in the air. The blood drains from his face and Lance feels his heart hammering in his chest so strongly he's afraid it'll knock him over.

“Keith?” His voice is barely above a whisper. “Are you?” He isn't sure what he wants to say but when he reaches out to touch Keith's cheek his hand is shaking. Keith's skin dimples gently under the touch and black spots Lance's vision. He presses his palm flush against Keith's cheek. He can't breathe.

“Oh my god.” Before he knows what's happening they're hugging and Lance is holding on like he's afraid to let go. Keith's face is buried against him and they're both crying. He can hear himself babbling but doesn't know what he's saying or how to stop.

“Oh my god, you're here, you're- I can touch you, why can I touch you?” He pulls back, cradling Keith's face in his hands and Keith leans into the touch like he's been starving for it. “You're a-”

“Lance!” Shiro is shaking him awake, Pidge ripping the headband off him as Lance bolts upright with a gasp, tears streaking his cheeks.

“You pulled me out! Why did you pull me out!” His voice has a raw edge of desperation to it.

“Dude, you were crying!” Pidge gestures wildly and Lance wipes at his face, surprised to see they're right.

“What happened?” Shiro demands, more tears spilling down Lance's cheeks but he's grinning and his smile is so wide it hurts.

“Keith,” he gasps and for the first time it feels like he can really breathe. “Shiro he's alive, Keith's alive!”

Shiro’s face crumples. “Lance-”

“I'm not crazy,” Lance says, cutting him off. “Pidge send me back!”

“It's not possible. I don't know what you saw Lance, but it wasn't Keith.”

“Why not?” Lance shoots back, a furrow between his brows. His head is spinning.  “Why is it so impossible to believe he's still alive? There was no body. Shiro-” He reaches out for Shiro but Shiro recoils from the touch.

“Don't.”

“I'm here,” Keith says softly, appearing behind Shiro. “Please Shiro, I'm here.” He looks at Lance desperately.

Lance glances between them, rubbing a hand over his face. “He's here now,” he says softly. “I've been seeing him for months.” He stares down at his knees as a chorus of surprised voices echoes around him.

“He's not here Lance,” Shiro snaps, losing his temper. “He's gone!”

“He's standing right behind you!” Lance gestures wildly. “I thought I was crazy, that I was just hallucinating or seeing his ghost but I'm not. I don't know how I'm seeing him, but I'm telling you he's alive.

”You were just saying you could feel him too!”

”His ghost! Not- whatever you think this is. He’s dead!”

Shiro snaps and starts to lay into Lance but he isn't listening. Keith’s eyes are wide and desperate as he turns to Lance.

“Tell him before he left for the Kerberos mission he took me to get a tattoo.”

Lance gapes, the expression enough to make even Shiro pause. “You did? You do?” His voice pitches and he pouts, leaning around Shiro to look at Keith. “How did I not know this? Where?”

“Tell him,” Keith snaps.

Lance rolls his eyes but relays the message and Shiro freezes.

“I lost my temper,” Keith goes on, Lance's eyes not leaving him. “I was angry he was leaving. We fought about it.”

“Did you win?” Lance asks and Keith scowls at the interruption. Shiro glances between Lance and the empty spot he's talking to.

“Afterwards he promised he'd always be with me but I needed something more than that. I needed something to hold on to,” Keith goes on, Lance echoing him. Shiro is pale beside him. “So we went and I got a tattoo-”

“Patience yields focus,” Shiro whispers. “On the back of his neck.” His hand ghosts over the spot as if he'd gotten it there himself and Lance can see goosebumps on his skin.

Keith's hands work nervously at his sides.

“You can't-” Shiro chokes, rubbing at his eyes. “You can't know that.” He doesn't know if he's trying to convince Lance or himself.

Lance shakes his head, speaking softly. “I didn't. You think if I did I'd ever let him live it down? He just told me.” His hand flicks towards Keith. Something like hope flickers in Shiro’s eyes. “I promise Shiro, he's here.” His eyes shift to Keith’s and he pulls off the headband, passing it over. “And I think he could really use a hug,” he says softly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was edited on my phone and involved a number of new paragraphs so if you catch an auto correct fuck up please tell me. 
> 
> Also, I had a new interlude chapter show up I wasn’t expecting so I’m not sure when that will get written. There’s a lot going on in the background for this fic I never bothered to figure out which is now fucking around in my brain so there’s that. It’s supposed to be from Keith’s perspective after what happens which will give you guys more insight and clarity to what’s happening, I just have to WRITE it and the creative block has been a bitch lately.

It kills Lance to get out of the bed, to not immediately go running back to Keith and hold him, but he's had all these months with Keith and it's time for the others to have their moment. He lingers in the room for a moment, nodding encouragingly at Keith as Shiro takes his place.

“See you soon,” Lance promises as Keith vanishes, Pidge sending Shiro under.

“I'm hungry,” he declares to the room, feeling awkward and of place but not sure why. He stretches his arms over his head and walks out of the room before they can say anything but feels Pidge and Hunk’s eyes on the back of his neck making him itch.

Once the doors shut behind him Lance turns a corner, nearly tripping over leaden feet, his breath trembling. His hands are shaking. He can still feel the heat of Keith's skin on his fingertips.

Taking a moment to lean against the wall Lance’s heart races as it hits him that he isn't crazy, that Keith really is alive. His heart beats so fast Lance is afraid it'll knock him over and has to press a hand over his chest, trying to will it to stop.

Keith knows everything Lance has shared with him, every thought, every fear, every weakness, every confession and suddenly he's terrified. Keith has seen him at his weakest and Lance is mortified remembering his last nightmare. Keith had done what he could to comfort him through it, he'd seen Lance completely fall apart, listened to Lance struggle with his heartache and madness, confessing how in love with Keith he is. More than once. Lance flushes, covering his face with a hand.

“Shit.”

~

Lance spends the next two hours alone, his face burning periodically as he wanders around the castle, rehashing everything he's ever said to Keith over the past few months.

He nibbles on some food goo, stares out the window watching the stars, wondering how far away Keith is. He wanders to Keith’s room and finds himself sitting on the bed, the jacket cradled in his lap. He feels uncomfortable even though Keith had told him he was always welcome but that had been when they both thought Keith was dead. He's not sure how much has changed, for both of them, if Keith being alive somehow means he's rescinded the offer. It all feels different now.

He's holding the jacket up and breathing deeply, something inside him aching, that deep well of want in his heart swelling. He's smiling, even as tears prick his eyes.

“See you soon,” he promises, tucking the jacket back into its drawer and swallowing his terror. He heads back to the bay, effecting an easy smile.

~

When Lance wanders back into the med bay  everyone is crying and Keith is nowhere in sight. As soon as the doors open Shiro swoops in to give Lance a hug that knocks the wind out of him. He sinks into the embrace, not realizing how badly he needed it.

“Thank you,” Shiro whispers softly and Lance smiles, squeezing him back, taking the time to savor the moment. He can't remember the last time he's had a hug.

“Thank you for believing me,” he says, pulling away.

“We'll get him back.” Shiro squeezes his arm. “I promise.”

Lance nods firmly. “You're damn right we will.” He wipes at an eye and Shiro hands the headband to him.

“He's asking for you,” Shiro whispers like it's a secret and Lance flushes.

“Best not keep him waiting then,” Lance teases, trying to brush it off, re-direct, _something_ but his face is still hot. “You know how impatient he can be.” He takes the device and lays back on the bed, trying to hide how badly his hands are shaking.

~

Keith is smiling when Lance appears in the void again. In spite of everything, all his insecurities and anxiety Lance can't resist the urge to sprint towards him. Keith’s grin is wider than anything Lance has seen before and he opens his arms, stepping into the hug as closes the distance, all but body slamming Keith making him laugh as he rocks back on his heels, holding Lance just as tightly.

Lance sweeps him off his feet, spinning him around and holding him so tightly he knows it has to hurt but Keith’s face is tucked into his neck like it belongs there and Lance doesn’t know if it’s his heart or him still spinning.

Keith’s laughter rings through the space and Lance feels tears prick his eyes, a heady cocktail of adrenaline and relief and sheer joy at holding the boy in his arms. He hides it in Keith’s hair as he sets him down, cradling the back of his head with a hand like Keith is something precious, the two of them continuing to sway, Keith’s hands warm and firm against Lances back. He can’t stop cataloguing every point of contact between them, mad with the feel of it.

He takes a jagged breath as the hug lingers, taking the time to pull himself together before leaning back, pushing Keith’s hair back out of his face.

“I can't wait to do that in person,” he says, voice wavering. “We've all missed you.”

To his surprise Keith tucks himself back into Lance’s arms like he belongs there and Lance holds him tightly, terrified of letting go, scared he'll kiss him if he does.

“Yeah, I missed you too.” Lance’s heart races and he scrambles for something to say.

“You know,” Lance ponders, “I realize we're having a moment, but we really need to _find_ you.” He pulls back again but not far enough to step out of the embrace, Keith’s hands settling on Lance’s hips in a way he really wants to get used to.

A frown crosses his face and Lance wants to wipe it away. “I don't know. The others were asking me the same thing but I don't remember anything.” His fingers play over Lance’s beltloops as he thinks, eyes distant and Lance wonders if he knows he’s doing it. “What did the Blade have to say about it?”

Lance shrugs. “They were pretty tight-lipped about the whole thing but maybe it's time to push.”

Keith scowls again. “I'd say.” His thumb rubs idly against the edge of Lance's jeans, slipping to touch skin and it's infinitely distracting.

Lance cups the side of Keith's face, indulging in his need to soothe away the worry lines in his expression and Keith closes his eyes, leaning into the touch, making Lance's heart skip.

“Someone's feeling cuddly,” he teases, his voice trembling as much as his heart. Keith scowls again, drawing a laugh from Lance who doesn't remove his hand.

“Dude, do you know how long it's been since someone touched me?” The words are blunt and somehow more intimate than Lance thinks he means them but it makes his heart swoop anyway. Lance flushes. “I'm a little attention starved,” Keith says flatly.

“Oh I'm not complaining,” Lance rushes to say. “I like you all cuddly. You should do it more often.”

Keith’s scowl darkens, a flush spreading across his cheeks and Lance chases it with his thumb. “Shut up.”

Lance laughs again, taking a half-step out of the embrace to look around, his fingers lingering on the edges of Keith's sleeves, afraid to let go.

“So. Any idea where here is? Or how long we have?”

Keith shrugs. “Pidge said something about thirty minutes or monitoring brainwaves. Apparently if you meditate and your activity levels out they'll take it as a sign to pull you out or whenever the timer is up, whichever comes first. Or if you panic again.”

“I did not panic.”

“You burst into tears Lance.”

He doesn't have a snappy comeback for that so he says nothing, choosing to ignore the comment entirely even as he flushes.

Lance coughs and nods slowly, “Yeah that makes sense. I don’t want to be trapped in here.” He glances around. “Not that the company wouldn’t be marvelous,” he teases. 

Instead of rolling his eyes Keith smiles and Lance feels his lungs forget to work.  

“I have no idea where we are,” Keith apologizes. “You're usually the only thing I _can_ see.”

“Yeah, how does that work exactly?” Lance asks, turning to face him. “There's nothing here.” His hand has slipped into Keith's.

Keith shrugs. “It looks like a small tear in space. I step through it almost like it's a wormhole or a doorway and then I'm there.”

“Well that explains how you appear at random,” Lance says, running his thumb over Keith's knuckle.

“But other than you there's nothing else here.”

Lance frowns. “Well that doesn't make any sense. You have to be somewhere.” His fingers stroke idle circles over the tender skin inside Keith's wrist as he thinks.

Keith nods before his expression shifts. His body goes tense and he looks off to the side at something Lance can't see.

“Keith?”

“Do you hear that?” he asks softly still staring off at something Lance can't see. He's briefly irritated to be on the other side of the conversation for once.

“Hear what?”

“It’s like-” Keith clutches his head, fear flicking across his face as his mouth drops open in a silent scream before he's gone and Lance is left grasping open air.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interlude from Keith’s perspective~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this will give you guys a little more insight as to what’s happening. Not much, but some.

For one terrible moment Keith doesn’t know where he is or what’s happening. And then the magic dragging him back makes his two halves whole, his mind slipping back into his body. 

The threads of memory weave back together and Keith doesn’t realize he’s crying. 

He desperately reaches for that place again but it’s no use. The threads are tangling around him, sewing him back together until she’s done.

Keith has a brief moment where he wills his thoughts to somehow reach Lance; a last desperate plea. He doesn’t think he can hold out much longer. 

_ I’m here, I’m alive. You’re so close. Find me. Please.  _ His features contort as if trying to force himself back to sleep but she’s calling.  _ Please find me. _

Blurry eyes flicker open, equal parts relieved and terrified of what awaits him. And then his eyes focus on the Druid standing over him. Bren. She has one hand on his wrist and stares down at him, tracing a long nail over his cheek, curious about his tears. Keith stares back, too exhausted to fight.

“Where do you go I wonder,” she says softly, eyes flicking up to the device around his head even as she dries his tears. She brushes a strand of hair out of his face, her touch almost tender.

Keith clenches his teeth and turns his head away, reaching for the new memories he has, trying to wrap them around himself like a shield, a bulwark against the coming pain. She sighs, withdrawing her hand. Keith wonders if she actually cares. A shiver ripples up his body. He hopes not. If Bren knew what was happening she’d find a way to sever the connection and right now it’s the only thing keeping him going. 

“It is no matter,” Bren dismisses. “Are you ready to begin again?” 

Keith doesn’t have the time to brace himself before his wrist shatters. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m bored out of my mind so have the next chapter.

For the next few hours Keith is gone. None of them can find him in the void though they keep trying and Lance doesn't see him anywhere.

They contact the Blade of Marmora for the first time in months, demanding answers but don't find much. Details on the mission Keith had been on when he’d supposedly died are sketchy but they do learn the ship the Blade had infiltrated had been destroyed leaving no bodies behind. They end the transmission feeling no closer to finding Keith than they were before.

“What about that old base?” Pidge asks, stroking at their chin.

“You mean the one on the abandoned asteroid where we found the thingy?” Hunk gestures vaguely at his head, waving his fingers to indicate the device.

“What about it?” Shiro asks. 

“Yeah,” Pidge says, “I mean, if that's where we found the device that let us connect to Keith maybe there are more answers there.”

“But we didn't find anything last time, why would now be any different?” Hunk runs a hand through his hair as he thinks.

“No, I think Pidge is right.” Lance chews on a nail. “Keith said he felt like he's been there before. Maybe the Galra were using the base and just moved him?” 

“It would not be the first time the Galra have had to abandon a base due to combat or other unforeseen circumstances. It is possible something else was left behind,” Allura says. 

Even she and Coran were able to pay Keith a brief visit, something that seems to have raised everyone's spirits in spite of his sudden and alarming departure.

The paladins look at Shiro who shrugs.

“It's the only lead we've got and it's better than standing around here waiting. Princess?” He turns to Allura who's already pulling up the teleduv to change their course. 

“Already changing course. We’ll be there soon. Everyone make sure you're adequately prepared.”

“You think they're waiting for us?” Shiro asks and Allura looks at him firmly.

“I think it best to be prepared.”

~

When they arrive the asteroid is as dark and abandoned as they'd left it. Save for one thing. As they come out of the wormhole a small fighter darts away from the base so fast they barely catch it. 

“There!” Pidge jams a finger at the screens and Allura latches onto the fighter.

Shiro grips the edge of the console. “Shoot it down!” 

“No! If we can track it maybe it'll take us back to its ship.” Pidge runs for their station, fingers flying over screens and data no one else seems able to keep up with. “Those are short distance fighters. If it's here something else is too.”

Lance comes to stand behind them, gloved fingers tight on the back of Pidge's chair. 

“You think Keith could be there?” It's been hours and still no one can find him.

“I think it's possible. Allura, follow that ship!”

Allura pilots the castle after the small fighter keeping it in sight but just far enough away that it thinks it's out of reach. 

“Coran, fire an array of shots wide. It has to think we're pursuing to kill, not to follow. But for the love of Altea do not hit it.”

“Yes Princess!”

“It's heading into deep space-” Lance shouts but Pidge interrupts him as Coran lets loose a wild series of shots.

“No it's-” Before Pidge can finish, a Galran cruiser appears from seemingly nowhere ahead of them and Lance has to swallow his heart. 

“How did they do that?”

“Raise the parrical barrier!” Allura shouts a beat too late as the Galran vessel opens fire. She struggles to turn the ship to avoid a head on collision and they all brace for impact, their feet sliding out from under them before the artificial gravity can compensate. A volley rocks the ship before Coran manages to raise the barrier, a wail of alarms sounding. They can all hear the dull impact of the other ship’s blasts against the barrier as Allura back pedals them away from the cruiser.

Pidge punches one of their screens and Lance reels back. 

“It's my fault.” They lash out at the screen again and Lance darts forward, catching their hand. “It's my fault!”

“Hey, none of this is your fault, what are you talking about?”

“Everything! Their ability to cloak? Lance that's  _ my _ tech! Lance that's Green’s cloak!”

Lance pales, his eyes darting to the ship on the screen as the castle reels backwards, fighting for distance. 

“When we got separated, the Galra were the ones to find you,” he says softly and Pidge nods, angry tears in their eyes. 

“They must have analyzed the adaptations I put in Green before I got away and reverse engineered them.”

Lance takes their arms, kneeling beside them. “This isn't your fault Pidge, and we're gonna fix it okay?”

Pidge scrubs at their eyes and nods firmly.

“Everyone get to your lions,” Shiro orders, the castle struck by another round of fire. 

“Without a plan? We need a plan!” Hunk shouts. 

“We’ll figure it out!” Shiro's voice echoes behind them as they all split for their separate bays. 

Pidge's voice comes over the intercom,  _ “We can't even form Voltron, we don't have a fifth paladin without Allura to pilot Blue and right now she needs to be in the castle!” _

Lance drops into Red. “Then I guess we'd better find Keith.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y’all want some Kangst?

There’s not a part of Keith that isn’t glowing bright with quintessence. Bren has been very thorough and Keith doesn’t know how much more he can take. 

She studies him closely as she siphons off his quintessence slowing his already rapid healing rate. 

With every bone she breaks Keith’s quintessence surges to heal, more and more flowing forward to fill the void she leaves when she pulls it away, redirecting the flow. She leaves just enough to heal him so she can do it all over again until he’s drained and then does it again, using him like a battery. 

Keith feels darkness feather his vision and a screen flares red, letting out a warning beep. 

Bren smiles down at him, directing the last of Keith’s quintessence into a container and sealing it. She passes it off to the Galran commander watching in the corner without taking her eyes from Keith. He’s shivering in the strange pod-like bed he’s strapped to and she reaches down to touch his face. 

“You did so well today,” she whispers, petting him and Keith feels like he’s going to be sick. “I’m proud of you.” He shudders again, skin clammy beneath her fingers. 

She straightens. “Give him a dose of the pure quintessence and leave him to rest. He needs time to recover.” She taps at one of the screens and the pod begins to glow as fluid begins filling the space. He tips his chin up out of habit now, letting whatever it is wash over him with relief. It helps with some of the pain, makes him stronger. Distantly Keith wonders if it’s what’s keeping him alive. 

The Galra scowls, fingers flexing dangerously around the container. “You are supposed to be harvesting quintessence, not wasting our supply in the boy.”

“That  _ boy _ ,” Bren snarled, “has a surplus of quintessence. More so than the other subjects. If we can replicate it in others my research will outweigh Haggar’s blind obsession. She is a short sighted fool. This-” She gestures at Keith. “Is a replenishing source that doesn’t strip away the very life of the subject allowing it to be harvested over and over again.” She sneers up at him. “So do as I ask and inject the boy.” 

The commander’s lips peel back from his teeth. 

“Or you will be next on the table,” she threatens. He growls but backs down. The fur down the back of his neck stands on end and his ears are flat to his head.

“Yes Lady Bren.” He grinds the words out to gravel between his teeth but it’s enough.

“Then be on your way.” She dismisses him with a flick of her hand. 

The doors open and another soldier hurries into the room, footsteps echoing. “Lady Bren.” He bows, breaths short and rapid. 

“Yes, yes what is it,” she snaps, patience thin. 

“Voltron is here. The ship is under attack.”

Bren frowns, nails clacking together as she thinks. “To what end? We have nothing they want.”

“The green one.” The soldier’s eyes dart to the commander. “They must be after the cloaking technology.”

Bren frowns but flicks her fingers dismissively. “Then it is no matter. Stabilize the boy,” she orders over her shoulder. “They will be nowhere near this part of the ship.” She marches across the room, long robes obscuring her feet so it looks like she’s drifting. 

“Dismissed,” the commander growls at the soldier once she’s gone and he scrambles out the door. 

Keith’s breathing is shallow and he’s slipping towards unconsciousness when the Commander injects him, snarling some curse or other as he does so. The pod seals shut, Keith barely listening as he reaches desperately for that place in his mind, for Lance. His entire body aches. 

He tries to hold onto that last bit of awareness, tries to drag the memories with him but he can feel his mind separating like it always does, the threads stretching and it’s such a relief to forget. 

The thread snaps under the strain and Keith is set adrift, wondering what he was so afraid of a moment ago. 


	12. Chapter 12

The battle is fast and bloody, every time the paladin's try to get close with their lions the ship blinks out using Pidge's technology and vanishes. It's not perfect and sometimes they can still track it, but inevitably they lose the ship.

It's like swarming a hill of fire ants, every time they attack, a new swarm of ships and drones are loosed at them, the ship continuing to fire its own ion cannon at them.

“Give me a second, I can track it,” Pidge shouts as the ship disappears again and they're all left holding their breath.

“How? We can't even see it,” Lance snaps.  He slams the controls sideways pushing Red into a barrel roll to avoid a blast from the ship. The shot takes out the three fighters that were tailing him instead.

“They were dumb enough to use my own tech against me.” Pidge's face flashes up on one of the screens. “Which means I know it's every weak point. And trust me when I say that cloak is less than perfect. It's only a prototype. I've been working on a newer version that's more seamless-”

“Pidge!” Shiro interrupts.

“Sorry, the point is I can track the ship. I know exactly where it's at.” With a flick of their fingers Pidge sends the data to the other lions and suddenly they can all see it on their radar. “And if I can get inside the thing I can disable it. I don't know if they've managed to spread the cloak to the rest of the Empire but if they haven't we have to take it down. This can't be something the Galra get their hands on.”

“Agreed. If we can-”

“I got it!” Hunk blows past the others, his lion ducking its head as Hunk pilots it straight for the little red dot on his screen. “Cannonball!” Yellow slams into the side of the ship and there's a deafening explosion of light and atmosphere as the side of the ship caves.

“Not what I was expecting but effective,” Shiro says as Hunk’s lion comes crawling out of the hole, opening fire back down into the space, more debris spinning out into space.

“Pidge can you fit Green in there?”

“Are you kidding me? She's half Yellow’s size.” Pidge is darting forward in their lion a beat later.

Lance switches to a private channel. “Shiro we don't even know if Keith is on board. Without Voltron we could die. Are we sure this is the best bet?”

“No, but even if Keith isn't on board they should have information on his whereabouts.”

“Only if whoever has him deems that knowledge worth spreading. What if the Druids have him? What if Haggar has him? That's not the kind of thing she's going to want getting out to the other commanders. She's smarter than that.”

“Then we'll just have to hope she isn't.” Shiro shoots down a number of ships converging on the hole and Pidge. “And if he is we’ll find him.”

“About that, I have an idea. You're not gonna like it.”

~

Shiro doesn't like the plan, but it's all they have so he lets Lance and Hunk leave their lions, following after Pidge onto the ship as their lions are left to pilot themselves. Hopefully the Galra will be more preoccupied with the Lions than the three rogue paladins sneaking through the ship.

Pidge leads them as quickly as they can to the core of the ship where they're hiding the cloaking device, a big dark duffel bag thrown over their shoulder.

So far they've managed to avoid detection but Lance knows it's not going to last. Pidge scrambles for the panel on the wall, quickly tapping the security feed.

“Damn, they've got several guards in there watching the thing.”

“We can take 'em.” Hunk adjusts his grip on his bayard but Pidge shakes their head.

“Too much noise.” They grin and Lance knows they're up to something. “Besides, I have a new trick.” They splice wires faster than Lance can keep track of. “I'm creating a feedback loop of sorts, the current in those panels is about to overload.” They gesture at the screen, a small light on one of the panels beginning to blink, drawing the attention of one of the Galran soldiers who goes to investigate.

“And boom,” Pidge says just as a surge of sparks and electricity leaps from the panel taking the soldier in the chest. Every panel around the room follows suit in an arc, a series of powerful arc of energy leaping from the surface. The cameras short out in the blast, the door flying open as a sentry gets thrown into the far wall in a cloud of smoke and clanging metal.

“I thought you said we were supposed to be quiet,” Lance hisses already putting his bayard away in favor of dragging the still smoking sentry back into the room.

Pidge shrugs. “Quiet-er.”

Lance drags the sentry inside and frowns. “How are we supposed to find anything in here, it's destroyed.”

“Don't be such a Debbie Downer,” Pidge scolds. “The screens are busted but the ports should still work.” They turn to crouch next to a wall. “If the charge didn't burn out everything that is…”

“What?” Lance snaps.

“Nothing! Hunk, slap a charge on that thing and let's get out of here.”

Hunk does as Pidge instructs and attaches a small explosive device to the surface of the cloak.

“Is that going to be big enough?” Lance asks, peeking out the door to watch their backs.

“We’re trying to destroy the cloak not the entire ship so yes, it's big enough. We can't risk any more damage to the integrity of the ship, not if we want to find Keith.”

“And if he's not here?”

Pidge pulls a much larger device from their duffel and slaps it to the wall, ripping wires loose from the ship and connecting them to it. “Then we blow it all to hell.”

~

Hunk sets the controlled explosion and the paladins run from the room to the closest security panel.

“Do not set that off until we're ready Hunk. I don't want it triggering the larger blast before we're ready.”

“Ooooh I didn't think of that. Why didn't I think of that?” He holds the detonator between his thumb and forefinger like it's going to bite him. Pidge rolls their eyes, flipping through screens and downloading the information they need, eyes scanning over it. A shot rips past their heads and Lance spins, dropping to a knee and shooting out the chest of the sentry behind them but more are coming to fill the space.

“Shit, hurry up Pidge, we've got company.”

“And I don't think they're friendly.” Hunk opens fire, a wall of the sentries falling before him but more are stepping over their bodies and in the hall they're completely exposed.

Lance pulls up his shield and puts himself between Hunk and Pidge, covering them both as Hunk lays into the wall of soldiers.

“Hurry Pidge,” Lance grinds out, each blast threatening to knock him over. Sweat runs down his face under his helmet, his shield beginning to beep out a warning.

“Switch!” Hunk yells, flicking open his shield and slamming it down in place of Lance's as Lance begins to pick them off one by one from behind Hunk's shield.

Pidge is silent behind them and for a brief moment of panic Lance thinks they've been hit.

“Pidge! Are you-” A shot rips into his shoulder, bouncing off his armor and Lance has to re-focus.

“He's here,” Pidge chokes out. “He's here! Keith- I know how to find him.”

“Great! Because we're about to be overwhelmed.”

Before Lance has time to react Pidge is bolting past him, some small device in their hand. They hit the ground in a deep slide, the device in their hand activating and leaping from Pidge’s palm to attach itself to the leg of the nearest sentry.

“Shoot it!” Pidge yells from the other side as they slide past the sentries and Lance does. There's a strange pull and for a moment Lance feels like he's going to be dragged into the middle of the fray before there's an explosion forcing him back. Metal and smoke fill the hall with a deafening roar, the sentry and the last five others around it are disintegrated, the air filling with shrapnel. Lance's ears are ringing and he's grateful for the safety of Hunk's shield.

“Pidge?” He stands slowly, legs shaking from adrenaline and exertion. Through the smoke he sees Pidge slowly uncurl from behind their own shield, blinking owlishly.

“Huh, I can't believe that worked.”

Lance's heart trips over in his chest and he scowls.

“I am giving you the biggest noogie when we get home,” he snaps, dragging Pidge back to their feet. “Now where is Keith?”

~

They find him in a dark section of the ship that makes Lance's skin crawl. It's eerily silent and Lance can taste his heartbeat in his tongue as they creep faster. Sweat makes the inside of his suit slick and uncomfortable and his hand on his bayard keeps slipping in his glove.

“Where are we?” he whispers, peeking around a corner. There's a large set of double doors ahead, the dark metal backlit with an eerie light.

“The druid’s sector. They…” Pidge chews on their bottom lip. “It's where they run their experiments.”

Lance's mind flicks to Shiro’s arm and the brief stories he'd told them about fighting in the ring for the Galran commanders.

“Let's get him out then,” he grinds between his teeth.

Pidge's hand flies out and catches his arm, dragging him back into a small alcove. They press a finger to their lips and a moment later a patrol passes the hall. Pidge shows Lance the screen they've brought up, tracking the movements of the soldiers on the security feed. He frowns and watches, glancing up at the security camera in the corner blinking down at them. Pidge's screen from the same hall is empty.

“Why can't it see us?” he asks, pointing up at the camera.

“Paladins,” Allura's voice cuts through their comms and they all flinch. “I don't know what you're doing but please hurry! The castle can't take much more.”

“Understood Princess, we think we've found Keith, we're getting him out. Just hang in there.”

There's a deep impact to the side of the ship but from here it feels distant like the air is somehow thicker.

“I could use a hand out here,” Shiro grits out and his voice sounds strained.

“We’re coming Shiro. We’ll all be there soon.”

Lance turns to Pidge and as much as he just wants to make a run for the door he knows he has to be patient. “Is it clear?”

Pidge examines the screens for a moment before nodding. “But hurry, I don't know when they'll be back.”

Lance nods. “Hunk, cover us. Pidge, do you think you can get through that door?”

“I think we’re about to find out.”

~

The security on the door isn’t as heavy as Pidge expected but is hard to get through nonetheless.

Lance fidgets nervously next to them, glancing back down the hallway. He feels too naked, too open, his skin is crawling with the energy radiating off the door. “Aren't you done yet?”

“Hey this is harder than it looks okay?”

“Aren't you supposed to be a genius?”

“You want to try it smart guy?” Pidge must cross a wire incorrectly because an arc of electricity zaps them and they yelp, yanking their hand back for a moment and shaking it before diving back in again, fingers still numb. Lance can smell burning fabric and hair but Pidge grits their teeth and says nothing.

“They're coming,” Hunk hisses and Pidge doubles down on the hack, biting their lip to keep from saying anything.

A moment later they can hear footsteps echoing down the hall and Pidge shoves the door open. They all fall inside, pressing the door closed as quietly as they can as the sentries march by. As the footsteps fade they all go limp, tangled together on the floor.

Lance manages to partially disentangle himself and leans against the wall, letting lose a shaky breath. His hand falls to Pidge's shoulder and gives it a light squeeze.

“Where are we?”

Lance physically jumps at the sound of Keith's voice.

“Y-” He blinks at Keith dumbly before looking at Pidge and Hunk. “What the hell man?” He scrambles to his feet. “What are you doing here? Where did you go? What happened? Are you okay?”

Keith stares at him. “Yeah?” He gives Lance a funny look. “Why?”

“Is that Keith? Is he here?” Pidge raps a knuckle against Lance's thigh from where they're still sitting on the ground.

“Yeah, it's him,” Lance says idly.

“Tell him we were worried sick, is he okay?”

“He can hear you Pidge.”

“Oh.”

Keith frowns, looking between them and for a brief moment he looks scared. “What happened?”

“What do you remember?” Lance asks instead.

Keith frowns. “The void, hugging you…” Lance flushes even though the others can't hear. Keith rubs at his forehead. “We were talking. What happened after?”

“What do you mean what happened after? You said you heard something and the next thing I know you're clutching at your head and screaming.”

Keith pales. “I don't remember. Just that we were talking and then you were gone and now I'm here.”

Lance relays what Keith says to Pidge. “Why doesn't he remember?” He looks at Keith. “Do you remember anything between now and then?”

Keith shakes his head. “Why do I get the feeling that's bad?”

“Well it can't be good,” Pidge says when Lance echoes the question. Hunk gives them a hand up.

“You didn't answer my question. Where are we?” Keith asks again.

“We're on a Galran ship in the Druid’s quarter. Pidge says you're here. Or your body is because technically I think your mind is here.”

He points to the screen Pidge brings up. “Says you're through there.” He points to a small door down the hall to the right. “You really don't recognize any of this?” Keith shakes his head and Lance doesn't mention how terrified he looks to the others.

“You mind doing a bit of scouting ahead?” he asks. Keith looks a bit uncomfortable but nods and begins to walk silently down the hallway.

The paladins follow a few paces behind, Lance keeping a fair distance between them and Keith.

He walks through a closed door and Lance waits. He's ready to crawl out of his skin by the time Keith returns. He doesn't say anything, just waves them forward and Lance feels anxiety twist in his chest.

He opens the door, pushing the others through, throwing a glance back over his shoulder. He feels like he's being watched.

Once inside he stops dead. A pod is lying against the far wall, more of them stacked in rows down the room. Most of them are empty but the one the others are staring at has Keith's body lying inside it, partially suspended in a strange fluid. Lance swallows thickly and glances at Keith standing next to him who has his arms crossed over his chest. He doesn't have to say it for Lance to know he's scared.

“Why is this happening?” Keith whispers and Lance shakes his head. “What are they doing?”

“I don't know.” He reaches out to touch Keith's arm, briefly forgetting that he can't before turning to Pidge and walking up to the pod. Keith’s body is frail looking, weaker than the image Lance has seen in the void as well as now. There are deep bruises under his eyes and his cheeks look hollow.

“What are they doing to you?” Lance whispers, echoing Keith’s question, his hand on the glass. Keith's hair is longer and tangled through one of the devices Pidge had managed to put back together. Their fingers are moving over a screen on the pod, running a scan and downloading the data without comment. Lance suspects they can read parts of what it says but doesn't say anything.

“Can you wake him up?”

“I think so, but I don't know what they've been doing to him or what kind of shape he's going to be in when we pull him out.”

“Pretty sure we’re out of time.” Lance reaches up for his intercom. “Shiro, we found Keith, we're waking him now.”

There's a beat of silence before Shiro's voice comes in. “Hurry. We're taking a beating out here.”

“Understood.” He pins Pidge with a look. “Do it.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, I ended up cutting the last chapter in two because the break felt funny. So this is the first half of the last chapter.
> 
> Edit: Made some minor edits

The minute Pidge starts playing with the panel Keith vanishes, but a few ticks later he's beginning to come around, eyes moving rapidly beneath his lids. 

They’re just beginning to pull Keith from the strange pod, dripping with that liquid, but he’s weak and groggy and tries fighting them off. 

“Keith it's us,” Pidge says grasping his wrist and trying to hold him steady. 

Lance removes the device on his head and Keith flinches. 

“Hey buddy, come on, we gotta get you out of here.” Keith's eyes seem to focus on Lance’s and he stills.

Lance nods. “Yeah, it’s really is. We gotta go.” They pull Keith from the pod, sloshing fluid, but his legs are weak and when he tries to stand they give out. Pidge and Hunk tuck themselves beneath his too thin arms, Keith's head lolling between his shoulders. 

It's hard to move him, all of Keith's limbs seeming to twitch outside his control. His movements are jagged and sloppy and Lance wonders how long they've had him trapped in that pod and what they've been doing to him. 

It takes them too long to get him standing and even then Keith still seems unfocused.

Every tic that passes is agony and Lance knows if they don't hurry they're going to be caught. It's a miracle they've found Keith unguarded but it's a stroke of luck Lance knows can't last long. He can't shake the feeling they're being watched.

“Pidge...my question,” he ask softly. “From earlier, about them not being able to see us? They can't right?” He glances up at the blinking security camera, the fine hairs on the back of his neck standing on end. 

Pidge finishes disconnecting Keith from the machine. “Nope, I looped the security feed for every room we go into. We’re effectively invisible thanks to this.” They hold up an arm and Lance's face falls. Pidge's arm is scorched black. Pidge notices at the same time and swears, fingers darting over the device strapped to their forearm. 

“It must have happened when the door shocked me. Damn it! We have to get out of here, Lance they know-”

As if the universe can hear them, a Galran Commander rounds the corner, a group of sentries and other guards right behind him. They don't look surprised to see them.

“You will return the boy.” The commander is twice as tall as Lance and brandishing what looks like the Galran equivalent of a Gatling gun. 

Lance grips his bayard tightly, bringing up his shield with the other hand and glares, putting himself between the Galra and Pidge and Hunk who still have Keith between them, standing on the other side of the bed. 

“Over. My dead. Body,” Lance growls, the words grinding out through his teeth, slow and deadly, rage bubbling up inside him, hot and thick. And he means it. He’ll die before he lets them take Keith back.

“He isn't yours.” Lance lost Keith to the Galra once before, twice if you counted the Blade of Marmora, he isn't about to lose him again. 

Cold rage fills his chest like ice, freezing over the magma anger, shaping it into a wall of stone like a bulwark. He plants himself between the Galran and his friends, sighting down the barrel of his assault rifle, already calculating distances and spray, how many he needs to kill and how quickly to give Hunk and Pidge time to get away with Keith. 

“You want him?” he calls, “Come and get him.” And he opens fire.

“Lance-” Pidge begins but Lance cuts them off, shouting over the beginning battle, mowing down sentries. 

“Just get him out of here and back to the castle!” he shouts over his shoulder, not taking his eyes off the officer. “I'll be back shortly.”

The Galran levels his weapon at Lance's chest.

“Just go!” Laser blasts bounce off his shield, ricocheting into the walls, the impact forcing Lance's feet back as he struggles to stay upright under the onslaught, giving ground to stay standing.

Pidge and Hunk manage to drag Keith away from the pod, his body hanging limply between them. 

Lance misses the rasped sound of his name from Keith's chapped lips as the Galran charges, the other two paladins dragging Keith away. 

Lance is quickly overwhelmed, the Commander advancing on him, forcing him to give ground further back into the room. His legs are shaking as the sentries converge on him, putting his back to the door. He'd rather die than let them through. 

As the pressure builds his shield beeps out a warning. It hasn't had time to fully recharge and isn’t going to hold. The red bayard in his hand burns and for the first time Lance wishes he weren't a ranged combatant. He's not properly armed for this. 

A sentry drives their staff at Lance’s shield, knocking him off balance and he hits the door, scrambling to right himself as a woman rounds the corner at the far end of the room. Her dark robes are swirling around her and Lance knows he’s fucked. He can’t take a Druid. 

He lays down another spray of laser fire, forcing the sentries back or downing them, giving him some more  breathing room. 

Some part of him reaches, grasping for the thread of what he needs before he can be overwhelmed and  _ pulls _ . He needs Keith. 

The Bayard in his hand shifts into his broadsword as the Commander charges him and Lance ducks, darting under the attack and past him, swinging out on instinct as the Druid shrieks. The blow takes the Commander across the back of the thighs, cutting him down just as the Druid unleashes an arc of lightning

and Lance brings up his dying shield. 

He leaps away from the Commander who’s making a grab for him and runs through the door as his shield shatters, another ball of lightning flying past his head with a scream before the door slides closed. Lance slashes through the control panel, praying it's enough to hold them and that his friends have made it out. He makes a mad dash for the hangar, shouting into his intercom. 

“If you're out blow the ship!” 

_ “What about you?” _ Pidge's voice cuts through the pounding in his ears. 

“I've got half the ship on my ass and a Druid who’s madder than a wet cat, just do it! I'm almost out.”

_ “Almost isn't out!” _

“Pidge!”

There's a beat of silence and then Lance feels the explosion. It vibrates under his feet as he slashes his way through guards and sentries, clamouring into one of their fighters. 

“Please for the love of all the gods let me know how to fly this.” He slams the ship forward, the controls awkward in his hands but he makes it out of the hangar in one piece, a plume of smoke and fire following him as the ship explodes. 

“Jesus, Pidge what the hell was in those things? How did one bomb do all that?” He can’t help twisting around to look behind him at the mess they’ve left behind, debris spinning off into space leaving a gaping hole in the hull. 

_ “What do you mean one? I left all the rest in the duffel armed beneath Keith’s pod.” _

Lance feels the blood drain from his face. “Remind me never to make you mad.” He shakes off the horror, hands tightening on the controls. “And please don't shoot me! I'm coming in!”

He pilots the ship straight into the hangar in one of the messiest landings of his career. He hits the ground running, heading for Red who’s returned to the hangar and is waiting for him. 

“Allura we need you in Blue, now!” The fight isn’t over. 

With Coran doing his best to pilot the ship, Allura and Lance re-join the fray. Together with the other Paladins they're able to form Voltron, turning the tide against the now listing ship as the castle limps away. They've sustained structural damage and one of the bays has collapsed when the particle barrier failed. With Voltron between them and the Galra cruiser the castle is able to escape, leaving what's left of the ship dead in space. 

Lance can’t shake the feeling of the Druid’s rage that he’s gotten away crawling over his skin and hopes he never has to see her again. 

Hunk ends up having to share a hangar with Pidge as it's his bay that partially collapsed but their lions don’t seem to mind. Lance imagines after ten thousand years apart it’s nice to finally spend time in one another’s company.

They wormhole as soon as all the Lions are back on board, putting some distance between themselves and the ship, dead as it is. They don’t want to risk being around if anyone else shows up. 

Keith is hurried into a healing pod at Coran's insistence and all that's left for them to do is wait. 

Repairs on the castle are underway and they land on a planet within the Alliance for aid in rebuilding the ship. 

Keith’s pod opens just before the repairs are complete. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’m doing it again. The last half of this is almost ready to go but I ended up writing more for it than I expected so it needs its last final run through for spelling and shit before posting. I feel like I’ve had you guys sitting on your hands forever though so I’m sharing the first half which is ready to go.

When Keith comes around he's more coherent, Pidge tucked against his side as Shiro drapes a blanket around his shoulders. Pidge hugs him and tries to hide the fact they're crying.

“I'm really glad you're back,” Pidge chokes, face buried in Keith's chest. Keith hugs them robotically, still a little dazed but relieved, a giddy tremor threading through him under the exhaustion. Everything feels surreal and for a moment Keith wonders if he’s dreaming, caught somewhere in that liminal space again.

Shiro's hand is warm and grounding on his shoulder and a small smile curls in the corner of Keith's mouth. The sight of it unfurls something in Lance's chest that's been coiled tight ever since they found him in that pod, a knot he didn’t realize was there.

He feels like he can breathe for the first time in days. Not that it makes this any less awkward. He doesn't know where to stand or look or what to do with his hands so he hangs awkwardly in the back as everyone hugs Keith, the chatter filling the space around him. Allura holds Keith gingerly as if afraid she'll break him, running a hand over his hair. The sight warms Lance’s heart. He wonders if Keith knows he has a sister now.

She pulls back, cradling his cheek gently before lowering her hand.

“I never want to live through the loss of another Paladin of Voltron,” she says softly. She steps back and looks at them all, one hand still on Keith's arm. “Or another friend. I will die before I see that happen again.” She clenches her jaw, squeezes Keith's arm and steps away, tears in her eyes and Lance is reminded of just how old she is. And how young.

It’s easy to forget that for everyone else the destruction of Altea was ten thousand years ago. But for her it was only a matter of months, maybe half a year at most. That hardly seems long enough to mourn the loss of everyone you’ve ever known and loved.

Lance ducks his head and looks away as the other paladins move in to hug Keith. He deliberately lingers out of reach, using their bodies like unknowing shields, avoiding eye contact.

“Are you hungry?” Lance asks as Keith starts looking for him. The comment drops like bait in the water. One Hunk readily latches onto the way Lance knew he would.

“Yes!” Hunk lights up, clapping his hands sharply. “We have to feed you. You're too skinny, look at you.” He pokes Keith as if to make his point and shakes his head, tutting in disapproval. “Some real food and you'll be feeling much better.”

Lance lets them usher Keith out of the room, waiting for Allura. His eyes briefly meet Keith's but he quickly looks away before their gazes can snag, intercepting the Princess instead.

He waits to hear the doors hiss shut behind them, Allura watching him patiently.

“How bad was it?” Lance whispers, chafing at his arms as if to ward off the chill that doesn’t seem to want to go away. “How bad is it?”

Allura glances after the paladins as if to make sure they're all out of earshot.

“I don't know.” She chews her lower lip thoughtfully. “Humans are not the same as Alteans but what was done to him was...not kind.” She purses her lips, a sad, worried crease forming between her brows.

“Please, Allura just tell me. I'm already imagining the worst.” Lance hugs himself, his voice tight with anxiety.

She takes a deep breath and brings up the scans to show him, her fingers flicking over the screen. “Every bone in his body has been broken and healed again, numerous times.” Her voice is soft when she speaks, as if that'll ease the blow. She’s curled into herself, one hand draped across her waist in a moment of weakness and Lance can tell what was done to Keith is really bothering her.

Lance knew it was going to be bad but he still rocks on his feet at her words, feeling like the wind has been knocked out of him.

“And I do mean every bone,” Allura stresses softly. “His body was under a lot of stress. There are new combat scars and signs of surgery. If I had to theorize I would say he was kept as a prisoner and pressed for information either on Voltron or the Blade.

“When they'd retrieved whatever they could they likely threw him into the ring, much as they did with Shiro, to serve as fodder for the Empire’s amusement.”

Lance feels like he’s going to be sick. He pinches at the bridge of his nose feeling like he’s about to cry.

He takes a deep breath before looking at Allura again. “What about the device on his head? Like the one Pidge found. What does it do?”

Allura turns back to her screens bringing up some more diagrams. “I believe it put his body in a state of suspended animation, much like the Altean pods to give his body time to heal and recover from whatever they did.” She flicks through multiple screens, Lance picking up bits and pieces of Altean.

“His quintessence levels were terribly unbalanced when you brought him in. He’s stable now but if they were experimenting with his quintessence…” She bites her lip again, her eyebrows drawing down.

“He was likely a crowd favorite in the ring given just how skilled a fighter Keith is. Having proven that I'm sure the Druids ran a number of experiments on him as well.” She runs a hand over her face as if to try and smooth her expression. Her posture sags again.

“The truth is I don't know what the device does Lance. I don't know what they did to him or even how you've been able to see him all this time.” She touches his shoulder. “I just know that now he is alive and he is home.” Her voice cracks on the last word and Lance pulls her into a hug, needing one just as badly as she does.

“You fake it really well,” he whispers and Allura startles, her posture straightening like she knows she’s been caught. Lance smiles sadly but doesn’t let go.

“What?”

“Having it all together,” he goes on, “pretending to know what you're doing, always having a plan.” He shakes his head and holds her tighter. “You have the weight of an entire universe on your shoulders and it isn't fair. I'm sorry.” Tears spill down Allura’s cheeks and she's too stunned to wipe them away.

“You fake it really well,” Lance says again, pulling away and resting his hands on her shoulders, giving them an affectionate squeeze. “But more than that you handle it well.” He smiles softly, brushing away one of her tears. “There's no one I'd trust to lead us in saving the universe more than you.”

She searches his eyes as if looking for something and whatever it is Lance hopes she finds it.

“I'm really glad I can be someone to help you share that burden. You don't have to do it alone.” He hugs her again and Allura sags against him for a moment, taking deep breaths.

“Thank you,” she says softly. “I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear that.” She holds him tighter for just a moment before pulling away and Lance watches as she straightens her shoulders, smooths her hair, stands tall.

She goes from being the young woman she is to the soldier she’s had to become before his eyes and it’s a transformation Lance knows well. He’s had to do it often enough himself.

“When are you going to talk to him?” she asks.

Lance flushes and looks away, rubbing at the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension that always seems to be there now.

“I don’t know?”

Allura frowns. “Why are you avoiding him?” Her eyebrows furrow and she glances at the door. “I thought…?”

“I know. I just-” He bites his lip. “Is it weird that I’m terrified now that he’s back? Now that he’s alive? That should be weird right?” He runs a hand over his face. “God is now even the right time given all he’s been through?”

Allura’s smile is sad and knowing and she touches his arm.

“Love won’t fix him Lance, it can’t.” Lance feels something heavy settle on his shoulders and a moment later Allura’s hand is there. “But it can help. I think he needs this. Needs you.” She smiles and this time it’s brighter. “Tell him. You’ll work it out. Loving people is what you’re good at.”

Lance feels like someone has their hand wrapped around his throat. “What if it’s not enough?”

“Some days it won’t be,” she admits. “On those days you’ll just have to love him harder.” She pulls her hand back, clasping them in front of her. “And be patient. It’s not your job to fix him. But I think he’s worth fighting for.”

Lance lowers his head and nods. “Yeah. Me too.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pain. Lots of pain. This probably had a bunch of spelling errors but I promised you it would be up yesterday and it wasn’t. So here it is. End of the line kids! Come cry at me on Tumblr.   
> freyamaat.tumblr.com

It takes Lance two days to work up the courage to confront Keith about everything and in the end Keith is the one to confront  _ him _ . They stumble across one another in the middle of the hall and Lance freezes at the sight of him. His feet cement themselves to the floor, tongue going thick in his mouth as his body decides now would be a great time for a heart attack. Keith stares at him like a deer caught in a pair of headlights, gaze darting around, a little wild around the edges and his fingers twitch nervously at his sides. He's the first to move, jaw firming as he steps towards Lance, afraid he’ll run. 

“Hi.” 

Lance jerks at the sound of his voice, breath hitching. Keith bites his lip, expression anxious and distant.

“Did I do something?” he asks, pressing sweaty palms to his thighs, wiping them on his pants. 

Lance frowns, still trying to find his voice. 

“Are you-” Keith swallows, his eyes darting away. Lance can't stop staring. “Are you mad at me?”

Lance comes back to himself as the words fall like a bat to the side of his head, leaving him reeling and he blinks rapidly.

“What?”

Keith clenches his teeth, hands curling into fists. “You're avoiding me like I killed your dog. You can't stand to be in the same room as me for more than three seconds and I've barely seen you for two days.” The frustration bleeds from his voice and Lance makes himself look Keith in the eye, guilt settling in his chest. 

Keith’s violet eyes are wide and searching and Lance's heart squeezes painfully.

“What did I do?” Keith asks weakly, desperate to fix it. 

Lance makes a sound like he's wounded and he makes an aborted step towards him, one hand extended between them but doesn’t touch.

“Nothing,” Lance assures him, “you didn't do anything.” He wants to reach out and touch Keith but doesn't know if it would be welcome. He doesn’t know anything anymore. 

“Do you not want me anymore?”

Lance's stomach drops out and he feels like he's been gutted, another agonized whine lodging in his throat, strangling him. 

“Of course I do,” he rasps, heart racing, “more than anything.” He nearly chokes on the words, the overwhelming emotion brimming inside him. Keith looks broken. 

“Then what's wrong?” be begs. “Because I’ve had to spend the last two nights alone and I don’t  _ want  _ to so please talk to me.”  

Lance bites his lip so hard it hurts, leaving it white and bloodless and it throbs when he finally lets it go. 

“I got scared,” he admits, hating himself as he says it, hates how terrified it sounds, how weak. 

“Of what?” Keith sounds so hurt and it’s killing him. 

Lance chews on his lip again, making the pain worse. He tugs at his sleeve to keep from touching Keith. 

“That you didn't remember,” he says, voice weak with fear. “That you didn't want me, that maybe I only thought I was in love with you because you were gone.” He runs a hand over his face, blinking at Keith through watery eyes. 

“That if I touch you I'm going to realize none of this is real and you're not actually back and I'm just going insane like I have been for months.” He trembles, tears sliding down his cheeks as the words slip out of him, as the truth spills out of him, raw and festering and thick with shame.

Keith steps into Lance's space and Lance lets him but doesn’t lift his eyes. 

“I remember,” Keith says softly. “I love you, and I really need you to touch me.”

Lance keens, bowing forward like Keith’s words have physically wounded him. He reaches for Keith, his hand trembling. Blind terror seizes him a moment before he touches Keith's shoulder and he almost turns and runs, terrified. Then he feels fabric under his fingers, the warmth of Keith's skin under the shirt and his knees buckle. 

Keith catches him and Lance cries at the solid weight of his arms around him, Keith’s chest against his and the way he can feel his heart racing with his own. Keith hauls him up into his arms, his grip bruising, crushing Lance to his chest. Lance doesn't care, it’s the greatest thing he’s ever felt because it means Keith is real, he’s solid and the relief washing over him is overwhelming. 

He clutches at Keith, all the black pain and fear inside him suddenly spilling out and a painful sob wrenches out of him. He's so overwhelmed by the solid presence of Keith after so long without it that he can't think straight, a hair’s breadth away from hyperventilating. 

“You're here,” he gasps, still unable to believe it. Keith presses kisses to Lance’s skin, his hair, anywhere he can reach and Lance cries into his neck, every nerve stretched thin and sensitive. 

“Stars, you're really here.” He’s shaking so badly he’s afraid he’ll vibrate right out of Keith’s arms, hands scrabbling against him, trying to drag them closer together.

“I'm here,” Keith whispers, his hands running up and down Lance's back, steadying him. “I'm here.” 

Lance finally pulls back, petting Keith's hair, running his fingers over his skin, fingers trembling. He can't stop touching Keith, skittish and darting every which way, not sure where to land, needing to feel all of him. 

Keith is staring at him, lips slightly parted, eyes dark and sad and desperate.

“Are you ever going to kiss me?” Keith asks and Lance does. He kisses his mouth, his cheeks, his forehead, anything he can reach before kissing him on the lips again. 

Every touch is searing relief from the pain and fear that's been haunting Lance for months and he can't stop, doesn't want to. He could kiss Keith until the end of time and never be satisfied. 

Keith holds him, helping Lance to the ground, unable to hold him up any more and for the first time the world feels solid around him. 

Lance presses into Keith, hugging him again. 

“Please don't leave again,” he begs, clutching at Keith’s shirt. “I know what I said about the lions but I need you here and I know that's so selfish but I can't-”

“I'm not,” Keith interrupts, “Lance I'm not leaving.” He touches Lance's cheek where he’s tucked his face against Keith’s throat.

“At this point I wouldn't know how.” He lets his forehead rest against Lance's, breathing him in, hoping it will be enough to chase away the horrors of the past months. 

His eyes burn and he hides in Lance’s hair. 

“You’re alive,” Lance whispers, half in awe. “You’re  _ alive _ .” The tears won’t stop and he can’t stop touching, hands coasting over fabric and warm skin, still afraid he’s going to wake up at any moment. 

Keith touches him in turn, fingers sliding over Lance’s throat, dipping into the collar of his shirt, seeking skin. 

Lance pulls Keith into his lap and when his hand touches Keith’s back, dragging up under his shirt, pressing him closer they both gasp, shivering at the contact.

“You kept me alive,” Keith rasps. His voice is a rough whisper and Lance’s hands ache with how tight he’s holding on, fingers dancing along Keith’s spine. “If you hadn’t-” Keith’s voice cracks and he holds Lance tighter. “You  _ saw _ me. And every time I was forced back into my body it was those moments that kept me going.” He shakes, falling apart at the seams as he cries, hiding himself against Lance. “You brought me home.” 

Lance cries into his neck, only pulling away to cover Keith in lavish kisses. He tips his head back and Lance kisses his throat, fingers dragging through long dark hair again and again. 

Keith’s eyes flutter closed, savoring the tenderness after so much pain, high on it.

He slips back into the moment as Lance runs a hand down his chest, his heart hurting. 

“It isn’t going to fix me,” Keith says wetly, holding Lance’s other hand to his cheek as he thumbs away his tears. “What they did to me. But I want it to.” His lips tremble. “If you still want me...after everything...we'll figure it out.” Fear leaves Lance cold in spite of Keith’s warmth and he stares at him. 

Lance cups the side of Keith’s face with both hands, cradling him. 

“Did you really think I wouldn’t?”

Keith closes his eyes, expression pained. “Yes,” he admits weakly. “I thought...once you saw- it was too much. That you wouldn’t be willing or able to handle it. That you wouldn’t want me,” he says again. “That I was too broken.” 

Lance’s face crumples and he holds Keith’s face in his hands like he's the most precious thing in his life. 

“You thought that was why I was avoiding you?” He chokes on the words, at the fear and pain he’d inadvertently inflicted on him. 

Keith opens his eyes and nods, his face wet with tears. 

Lance kisses him, deep and sweet and reassuring and Keith melts into him, clinging to the reassurance and the promises in Lance’s mouth. 

“I wish kisses were enough to make it better,” Lance mourns, whispering against Keith’s lips. “I wish I could kiss away your pain.” 

Keith leans into Lance’s hands, covering one with his own, his fingers slotting between Lance’s. 

“It helps.”

Lance bites his lips, Keith’s fingers warm and heavy where they’re pressed between his own.

“What else can I do?”

Keith turns his face into Lance’s palm, leaving a kiss on the callouses there. 

“Just touch me.” He swallows thickly, expression vulnerable. “I need to remember touch that doesn’t hurt.” Lance’s thumb strokes over his cheek. 

“You really think that’ll be enough?” he asks. 

Keith shakes his head. “No. But I think it’s a place to start.”

And Lance believes him. Battered and ruined as his heart is, he believes Keith. 

They’re both hurting and traumatized, still plagued by nightmares that never seem to end. 

They’re still in space, light years from Earth with little hope of seeing it again, but for the first time, it really, truly feels like home.


End file.
